One Christian gay guy’s thoughts and experiences along this whirlwind journey called life.
Friday, June 13, 2008
I don't understand people sometimes. I'd felt really great for a few weeks now, and yet, for some reason, this week everything has just went to crap. It's just in everyone's attitudes. People at work, at church, at home, everywhere I've went and everyone I've been around just seems to have this snotty attitude. I'll admit maybe it's just me, I don't know. Surely not everyone is being this way.
I was hurt yesterday though. I'd called my preacher and asked if he would meet with me for a few minutes at our church, because there were a few things I just needed some advice about. Most importantly, a teen in our congregation had come to me and asked for help because he thinks he's gay. I wanted to talk to my preacher in person and explain the situation to him and see if he'd be willing to help me. Well, when I got to the church, my preacher couldn't have been anymore rude and hateful toward me than he was. I've never had anyone at church talk down to me like he did. And what it came down to is that he wanted to talk out on the front porch of the church, and I just mentioned that I'd prefer talking inside because I didn't want to take the risk of anyone hearing our conversation. After I said that, he just got completely... well I'd say hostile/angry about it, and for what reason I don't know. I was honestly just sort of in shock about it, because it made no sense for him to act like that. I didn't believe I had asked anything too unreasonable of him. But the way he acted, I just thought maybe I'd done something wrong. But when we finally did go inside—him mouthing about it—and begin talking, he seemed to relax somewhat when I explained to him why I'd asked him to meet me there. Turns out he already knew about the situation—the kid had already asked several others for help apparently, and was probably, but not certainly, only doing this to get attention. But it just seemed as though my preacher just almost wanted to pick a fight with me. I honestly don't know how to explain it. I was dumbfounded by the way he treated me.
That was the last time I ever intend to talk to him in private. I've tried to before—the last time being about a year ago—and every time he treats me in this fashion. This time was the worst though. And I don't understand it. I only wanted advice on how to help someone, and he just acted as though it was a big bother that I'd asked him to meet with me. Like I said, it was the last time I'll ever talk to him on a personal level like that. He's made it more than clear that he doesn't like me, and that he isn't concerned about anything related to me. After he spoke to me the way he did, I just asked him if he didn't like me. He acted as though he couldn't understand why I'd ask him that and then told me that he did. But I don't believe him. His actions speak louder than words. And I don't feel like I can trust him.
I'm saddened by this whole situation. I just don't understand why people have to act this way. What did I ever do to him, or not do, that would make him act like that toward me? I just don't understand it.