M.I.A.

I seem to be at a loss of words, though I know I really do need to speak and reach out. Call it whatever you will, but there really are times when I find myself for a loss of words. I’ve wanted desperately to write to a few friends today, but I haven’t been able to think of what in the world I’d even say to them. It’s been so long since I’ve written to them.

Would a friend mind if you wrote, called, or visited after a long absence? Would the friendship still be the same? What if you literally don’t have the slightest idea about what’s even going on in their lives? One friend of mine, I really don’t have a clue what’s going on with him: where he’s living at now, what job he’s doing, if he even has a job, etc. And I wonder whether or not too much time has passed now for us to have the same sort of close friendship we used to have. Does he even really consider me a friend anymore? And why hasn’t he written back to me? Why haven’t I visited, called, or written to him lately? And has it even been that long? Would I be annoying him or coming across too clingy or desperate to contact him right now?

I can be so full of self-doubt sometimes that it’s ridiculous. I’m probably worrying about nothing, filling my head full of a bunch of nonsense. I should probably just drop a few lines including a greeting and a quick “Hi! How are you?” and move along. But why do I find this so hard to do? Why can’t I just reach out to people? Why must any form of human contact always be so difficult for me?