Ten Reasons Why Gay Marriage Will Ruin Society

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans ™ always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

I found this list online and couldn’t help but find the hypocrisy both amusing and sad. If anything, this list should help open the eyes of a lot of people. I believe if we are truly going to live in the land of the free, we should allow homosexual couples to marry. If it is an adult, consensual relationship, then who are any of us to dictate or interfere with it? Whether we believe it is sinful or not, it is not our place as Americans to forbid people from entering into such relationships if they should so choose. And as Christians, we cannot impose our beliefs on others.

The Simple Things in Life

In the last few months I’ve been searching for a teaching job and giving some serious thought about where I want to live. Because of the poor economy, new teaching jobs have become rare where I currently live. The reality of the situation is that in order to find work I may have to move, and this has caused some concern on my part.

After years of increasing dislike with my surroundings, I would have thought that moving would be a good thing. Now, I’m not so sure. I keep thinking about all the things I actually do enjoy about where I live and what things I’d have to give up in order to move. This is not to suggest that I wouldn’t find things to like about living someplace else, but just that it wouldn’t be the same. As I said a couple of posts back, I’m not very readily accepting of change. Change takes deliberating, adjusting, and coming to grips with whatever has happened or needs to happen. It just usually takes me some time to wrap my finger around such things to a point where I feel comfortable.

I like living close by to family. I like that I live near a lake. I like that I live near a creek and woods. I like that there is something to like about all of the surrounding counties. I like that there is a good track nearby to go walking. I like that most stores and businesses are on one strip. I like the local school system. And I could go on and on, but I’ll finish just by saying that there really are many things I actually do enjoy about where I live. There are numerous things I also do not enjoy about it, but I can’t say that there is nothing I enjoy. And these things I enjoy have become clearer in recent months than they used to be.

With all this in mind I think I can say that I (and perhaps most people) tend to overcomplicate things. I can look at a situation that should be rather straightforward and simple, and next thing I know, it’s all complicated and difficult (if not paralyzing). It honestly doesn’t take much to make me happy. Sometimes I struggle with being happy, but I find that what usually triggers my unhappiness is when I fear, worry, or get too angry about something—all three emotions that should be kept in check at all times. Most things we fear we really have no reason to be afraid of—like the dark. Most things we worry about we wouldn’t have to worry about if we would simply allow God to lead and take care of us. Most things we get angry at we may have just (or even unjust) cause to be angry at, but we should always keep how we express that anger in check and not allow it to consume us or be displayed in negative ways.

I tend to fear, worry, and get angry perhaps a bit too easily at times. I look at the future and I fear and worry that things will not turn out as I would like. And then I can get angry at my circumstances, other people, or even at myself. None of these things are good to do. They usually only cause the complications. But, alas, this is just human nature and we all go through these things from time to time.

But most things really aren’t as complicated as we make them out to be. If we can keep our emotions in check and not get carried away, then our lives can be so much simpler. We don’t have to fear, worry, or get angry. We can just live and let whatever will be, be, and try to always make the most out of whatever our circumstances are. If we trust God to take care of us, all will be good in the end, wherever life takes us. And in all things along the way, we can always draw strength from the one who everlastingly loves us.

With these things in mind, I can look optimistically at my future. I don’t have to worry about not finding a job, or fear the unknowns of a new town to live in, or be angry if there are a few bumps along the way or if things don’t always go exactly as planned. God will take care of me and see me through.

God Only Knows

I love this song. And for several reasons. First, it reminds me just how much I have needed everyone else in my life. Secondly, it reminds me that "God only knows" how things in my life could have been different and could be different and what the consequences of those differences would have meant or would mean in my life. Thirdly, it reminds me that God really is in control of my life. Fourthly (and I know this is far less important that the other reasons), it reminds me of summer. And fifthly, it's just a darn good song.

Thank God for the Beach Boys. I hope you enjoy.

Things Change

I’ve never been one to handle life changes very well. Maybe I don’t handle any changes very well. I know things need to change from time to time, and I’m always open to suggestions or ideas from others. If someone comes up to me with a really good idea, I have no problem going with it, even if it means change on my part, because I know good is better, naturally. But when it comes to major life changes, I find them to be extremely difficult to go through.

I miss a lot of people. I’ve never been a social butterfly, if you will. I’ve never been one to get out much, and even if I did, in this neck of the woods there just honestly isn’t that much to do. I mean, literally, it’s a choice between going into the next county all the time (which takes gas money), or sitting in the local Kmart parking lot (boy, ain’t that fun!). And so, I just don’t get out much. What that means is that most friends I’ve made over the years have been people I went to school with, worked with, went to church with, or that I met online. I’m grateful for these friends, but when there’s a change in school, work, church, or online activity, I seem to lose touch with many of them. I miss my friends from high school. I miss all the different friends I made at my former job. I miss the people I used to go to church with. I miss my friends from college. And I miss some of my online friends. When things change, I know I am liable to end up falling out of touch with people and missing them. And so, I’m resistant to change.

I reflect a lot on my life. Certain moments, activities, and events I look back on with great fondness. Those are the good times, and… I miss them. I miss when my dad and I played video games together. I miss those calm, peaceful, nights when I worked at the lake. I miss student teaching. I miss going to Wednesday night prayer meetings. I miss going to college. I miss my old girlfriend. I miss when my nephews were babies.

There’s just so much I miss.

I’m too terribly sentimental about things. I leave a hotel room at the end of a vacation and stop and take a last look around to remember it, because I know once I walk out the door, I’ll probably never again be back in that same room. I understand completely why Lot’s wife probably felt that she had to look back before the destruction of Sodom. And I also understand why God told her not to look back. Sometimes it is best not to look back—especially if what you’re looking back at is on the shady side of things (or just outright sinful). But what if what you’re looking back on are the good times in life? In these cases, I think it’s best to remember them well, to cherish them in the bad times, and to always look to the future to include just as many, if not more, good times than the past.

It worries me when things look to be changing. There’s a great deal of unknowns that go along with that change. Will things be better, worse, the same but just different. You never really know upfront. But what helps me get through those worries, and to not worry as much as I otherwise could, is the fact that I know God is leading me in my life. When I look back, I see all the different ways he has guided me, and I see that He’s never failed me. I trust God that my future will hold great promise. I cling to the promise God makes to each of us in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I believe in this with all of my heart. And so, whenever I begin feeling a bit too sentimental and clingy to the past or present, or worrisome about the future, I just try to remind myself of the promises and faithfulness of the Lord. With that in mind, things can change, and I can know that in the end I’ll be all right, that God will take care of me, and that there’s no reason to worry about whatever may come. God will see me through.

Memorial Day, 2011

When I think of Memorial Day, a few things usually come to mind. I remember going with my paternal grandma to the graveyards when I was a kid. She has always been keen on visiting the hundreds of graves of those she’s known. On at least two separate Memorial Day weekends she took me along with her. Now, some may think this would be boring or perhaps even morbid for a kid, but I did actually enjoy going along with her. I enjoyed it because my grandma would tell me all sorts of stories about the people whose graves we visited. I learned a lot about my family’s history that way. And I also really enjoyed all the unique places we’d go. You wouldn’t believe how many graveyards really are hid around the countryside. I remember us going to a few that only just had what could be called a road leading up to them. Some were in the woods, some were overgrown by thick bushes, some were on the hillsides, some within others’ property, and some were really kept up and so forth. Seeing so many of them, I’ve always kept in mind how easy it must be to become buried in a patch of weeds (it really is dependent on the caretaker, and whether or not anyone lives who does still care about the condition of the graves of those buried there). My grandma and I really did visit a great many of sites that were getting quite overtaken by nature. And that’s sad, really, to think about, because it means that a good portion of those who have been buried in such cemeteries have probably been forgotten; either their family and friends moved on, died off themselves, or just simply forgot about them. I find an unkept grave a very sad thing. Perhaps that is why I’ve often thought more favorably toward cremation (at least for myself).

Memorial Day also makes me think of my maternal grandpa, who died when I was around four. I don’t have many memories of him, but I do recall a couple with great fondness (I really do wish I could have known him better). I remember him on Memorial Day because my maternal grandma, mom, and aunt have always made sure to lay flowers on his grave on this day, and they always make a big to do about it. I also remember him because he was buried, and the first thought about having gone to the cemeteries with my paternal grandma as a kid always leads me to think of the cemetery where he is buried. And then, perhaps the biggest reason why I remember him on this day is because he was a soldier in World War II.

This leads me to my next thought about Memorial Day: the soldiers who have died in defense of our country. I’m not sure why, but I mostly want to reflect on WWII soldiers and the sacrifices they made during that war. It is probably only because I relate to that war having knowledge of my grandfather’s activities in it, but also because, I admit, I have played a great deal of WWII shooter video games. Because of those two things I just sort of automatically picture WWII troops whenever I think of soldiers (not to offend or belittle any other veterans—you’re all awesome).

After that, Memorial Day makes me recall all the holiday weekends when I worked on the lake. Good grief those could be busy weekends. We’d all work ourselves to death nearly. But they were good because it meant a lot of extra change in my pocket and I always managed to get a good tan that weekend to kick off the summer with. And, of course, I recall family trips and get-togethers as well.

I am glad we celebrate Memorial Day in this country. I know a lot of times people don’t often actually reflect on those who have died, but instead use this day only as a great time off. I don’t hold that against anyone, per se, because it is great to get some time off every now and then however you can get it. But I do wish more people would actually take at least some time to think back on those who have gone on. It only takes a little bit of time to actually reflect on past friends and family members, and I think it is especially befitting to at least take some amount of time on this holiday to say a quick prayer for and to thank all those who serve our country. After all, that is what this holiday was created for.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on this day. I hope everyone has had a good holiday, whatever you did.

Little Differences (or: What if?)

Today I woke up with thoughts toward going on a road trip—the view out the window just said it was too good a day to stay at home. There are some nice hilly areas south of where I live with lots of waterways and sites to see. I love going on drives like that, just seeing what nature has to offer. I find it peaceful, really. But, however, I did not go on such a trip today. I was approached, instead, by some of my family to go shopping, eat out, and watch a movie in the city to our east. I thought long about this, but, likewise, decided not to go.

So, what did I do today? I spent today in quiet peace at home by myself. Even though it was such a beautiful day out, something just told me it would be better to stay at home. So, I sat out on the back porch swing and drank a cup of coffee for about thirty minutes or so, played through the second Call of Duty video game for about five hours, read two chapters from a James Bond book I’d not got around to reading yet, did some writing, watched a little television, and just in general, was a true bum.

I don’t regret how I spent this day. But the thought does cross my mind how the day might have been different had I taken one of those other plans. Had I left the house today, just what would have happened? I could have had a better day, or a worse day. I might have had the best trip of my life, or I could have had the worst, or even worse, the last trip of my life. One can never know just how different things could be for them if only they’d made one decision or action differently in life. And for that matter, just how different would their actions make the lives of those around them?

When I look beyond this day at the rest of my life, I see good decisions and bad decisions. Some things I’m sure were the right things to do, and other things were definitely the wrong things to do. We all have those what if moments though, where we imagine how differently our lives could be if only this or that had been different. But that is just life. We can make the most of any situation, deal with the consequences of our actions, circumstances, or the actions of others that impact us, and try to move on as best we can. Or, we can make the least of things. We can enjoy the lives we’ve led, or dislike them. We can approve of our actions, or disapprove of them. Either way, each person’s life is defined, at least in part, by what actions he or she has made.

I could have gone on one of two trips today, but I’m glad I didn’t go on any. Could my day have been better than it was? Possibly. But I stand by my decision, and today was what it was.

Aren't We a Bunch of Misfits

I think about how much being online has helped me the past few years. When I needed help dealing with being gay and Christian, trying to figure myself out, looking for anyone who I could talk to and who would understand, I was able to turn to online resources.

I found Exodus International to begin with. Now, I know a lot of people don’t like Exodus, and there are several reasons not to like Exodus, but regardless of those reasons, Exodus did help me… tremendously. You see, growing up where I did, being gay just wasn’t acceptable at all. There was only one person I knew who I went to school with who was gay and came out. And when he did, the harassing and torment the other students put him through drove him right out of school. And it wasn’t much better for anyone else who was thought to be gay. I was thought to be gay—even though I didn’t even know how to feel or think about the issue myself at the time. The point is that being gay was not at all something that one dared admit to anyone else—even if you were Christian trying not to give into your desires, as I was. There do seem to be a lot more high school kids willing to come out these days, but a good deal of them are still met by a very large degree of discrimination and bullying. They’re looked down upon.

I never thought I could tell anyone I was gay. To do that scared me something fierce. For anyone just to find out on their own I was gay scared me as well. I always feared that if people knew, they’d treat me far worse than a lot of them already did. And so I kept quiet for what seemed like a very long time, and pretended that a very big problem in my life wasn’t really all that bad at all.

When my brother found out I was gay in 2005, and confronted me about it, I was tormented beyond reason, and I had no clue who to turn to for help. Alone—for too long—I finally searched online for someone who could help me with my problems. What I found was Exodus International. On their website, I read other people’s stories, saw their pictures, and read their articles about all sorts of particular related issues. For the first time in my life, I discovered how not alone I really was in the world. I discovered there were a lot of other guys just like me, struggling with their identity. I saw how similar our stories were, how alike we looked, and I drew much strength and wisdom from their writings.

I eventually decided to seek out a counselor from Exodus so that I could talk to someone on a personal level. I found Paul. Paul was very good to me. He listened, didn’t judge, gave me advice when needed, and pushed me to be a better person. He helped me more than he could probably ever know. We emailed each other for a year or two, and finally I got the nerve to talk with him on the phone (keep in mind how terrified I was at the thought of other people knowing about me). We talked to each other a few times, and that in itself was a huge help. He talked to me like I was normal, a friend, and someone who still had value and dignity as a human being. Knowing Paul certainly helped change my life for the better. He helped me break down so many barriers and gave me so much hope and strength. I am eternally grateful for him.

Exodus also helped me in another way. On their homepage, they frequently linked to articles written by people on other websites. I soon found myself commenting to others on what they had written. By that, I met two very important people in my life. One was a young college student battling with same-sex attraction in Maryland, who had written about his struggles in his local university newspaper. I wrote to him at first to encourage him. I wanted him to know how brave I thought he was to write what he had, and to let him know he wasn’t alone, and that I would be praying for him and would help him if he needed it. We began emailing each other, and eventually we became great friends. This particular friend has meant more to me the last few years than he could ever know. He is a friend unlike any other I have ever had, and I thank God for introducing me to him. The other person I met, I also thank God for, because he pushed me to think about gay issues on a much broader spectrum and from many alternative positions (to not be as closed-minded), and because he introduced me to College Jay’s blog. When I read Jay’s blog, I loved it immediately, and I thought, “Why don’t you make your own blog?” And so I quickly did make my own blog—this blog. Through it, I have met so many people. I’ve made several friends simply because of this blog. And I’ve gained much strength, wisdom, guidance, and love from them, too.

It always amazes me how much one thing can lead to another. One website led to a much needed counselor, to an endless array of self-help resources, and to two friends. One of those friends led to a blog, which then led to many more friends, as well as sharing of ideas and encouragement. Everything becomes so interconnected. And that’s the power of the internet. It can connect the world in a way that just wasn’t conceivable only a couple of decades past. Without question, the internet has helped change my life, and a great deal of others’, in some very positive ways.

As I stated earlier, I live in an area of the country where being gay, in whatever sense you may be, is not a very popular thing to be. Growing up, this made me fearful, unconfident, self-loathing, and alone. But the internet helped change all that, because it allowed me the opportunities to meet some of the most wonderful people I’d have never known otherwise. And each of these people helped me. They befriended me, encouraged me, sympathized with me, taught me, prayed for me, and motivated me to become a better person. And as much as they did those things for me, I hope I’ve been able to likewise do for them.

We are the misfits, who found each other in this mysterious other world. And I thank God for leading me to each of you. I know I am a better person today, happier in life, mostly figured out, with more friends than I ever had before, and more possibilities and hope than I ever dreamed I’d have. Just ten years ago, I wouldn’t have imagined I’d be where I am today. And again, I have to thank God, because he led me to the ones who helped me to get where I am today. He saw me through. He’s answered so many of my prayers. And I can say without question, He used the internet to help answer a great many of them.