What's Going On? (or: A Tale of Two Tuesdays)

Last Tuesday was just one of those days. It began early with a visit to the doctor’s office with my grandma (her visit, not mine). I sat in the waiting room for about an hour before she came out and told me she was given another appointment for an x-ray at the hospital the following morning to help determine if she was having small pin strokes. I was worried upon hearing that. When we got back to the car we decided to go for a little drive just as an excuse to stay out a little longer, and since she’d been cooped up quite a bit lately I figured it’d do her some good and take her mind off of some things.

Our little drive turned out to be the best part of the day. When we got back, my mom called me saying that dad had been trying to get a hold of me, something about my grandpa. So, I said goodbye to my maternal grandma and headed home to call Dad. It turned out that he had had to leave work because my paternal grandpa had gotten ill. He had been looking for me to see if I could go and stay with him so that he wouldn’t have to leave work. My paternal grandma, who usually would have taken care of the problem, just so happened to be out of town with my aunt for her own doctor’s visit. But it turned out dad was able to take care of him and he got to feeling better by the time my grandma got back in the county. I was likewise worried about all of this.

Then, a few hours later when mom got home, she had brought my cousin’s girls home with her because my cousin’s wife’s mom had been taken to the hospital due to her cancer, and so they needed someone to look after the girls. At this point, I cancelled going to the movies that night with my brother (something that had been planned for over a week at that point), which caused a big fight between the two of us—the last thing I needed at that moment. That crisis got resolved though. Later that night, however, when my cousin and his wife showed up to get the girls, my cousin’s wife passed out on the front porch as a result of her blood sugar dropping due to diabetes. We finally got her taken care of and they all left.

And as if that hadn’t been enough drama and turmoil for one day, my nephews decided to throw one of the biggest tantrums of the year while getting ready for bed, to which it took no less than an hour getting them calmed and settled.

By the time I got in bed I literally felt like it had been the day from hell. I was exhausted, worried, and an emotional wreck. All in all, it was just a horrible day.

Today, however, has been in stark contrast to last Tuesday. I slept in to about 9:30am. I sauntered through to the kitchen and made a cup of what turned out to be some very delicious coffee. I watered some plants out on the porch and sat on the swing enjoying the mild weather for a few minutes. Then I went back in and got the computer out and checked my email and the latest news. I did some writing and listened to some music. There have been no reports of anyone being sick or anything else bad happening. There’ve been no worrying, blowups, or other crises going on. And it’s honestly been rather quiet around the house for a change.

Altogether, it has been turning out to be a really good day. But, looking back to last week, it just amazes me how different two days can be. One day, things can be falling apart all around you, and the next day, everything goes just as good as can be.

I am glad for the good days.

Better Days

A few years ago when I was struggling to the point of just not even wanting to live anymore or wake up in the morning, this was one of a few songs that really did help lift me up. I still love this song, but it is hard for me to listen to now because it reminds me of just how awful I did feel. I am usually reminded of one particularly painful day when I was coming home in the evening, crying in my car, and this song came on the radio on K-LOVE. But there is just so much hope in this song. If you're having a rough patch, maybe it will help give you some hope as well for some truly better days to come. This is Better Days by the Robbie Seay Band. Enjoy.

Point of Grace - How You Live

I know this song is a few years old now, but it's one I've always really liked and thought maybe some of you might like it as well if you've never heard it before. There are so few songs out there with such a meaningful and great message as this one presents. It's just beautiful, and so inspiring.

God's Poll Numbers?

Earlier today I heard on CNN that a poll had been conducted asking people to rate God's job performance. I thought the idea of such a poll was ridiculous at the time, and after reading some more facts about it here, I am confidant I was right: this poll is ridiculous.

It is more than ridiculous, though. The fact that people are being asked to judge God on his job performance is just wrong on so many levels. Who are any of us to fault God with anything? He's the creator and master of all the universe, for crying out loud. How can any of us ever presume to know better than He does?

The arrogance of this poll just astounds me. At least more (although only slightly) than half of Americans approve of how God is handling things though.

Acceptance

I’ve spent the last several years trying to figure myself out. What job I want, where I want to live, whether I want kids or not, what sort of writer I want to be, whether I’m gay or not, whether or not I want to be openly gay, whether or not I want to try to become straight, what my religious beliefs are, what sort of friends I want and how to get them, etc.

I feel like I’ve figured out a lot of these issues. And it’s been hard dealing with each of them. None of the right answers have just fallen on my lap, or been given to me. I’ve fought and struggled, went to pieces and picked myself back up again (and on many occasions was actually picked up by others). But none of the decisions I’ve had to make were easy. None of the things I’ve gone through concerning these things was easy.

Today I went for a long overdue haircut appointment. I walked in, got a seat to wait my turn, and was polite and courteous to everyone else there. I was glad to see the lady who cuts my hair. She’s only cut it three or four times now, but she’s always worked in the established I’ve gone to for the last eight years or so. So, I knew her well enough, and was glad to see her.

After a few minutes, my hair stylist struck up a conversation with one of the other two people in the room being waited on. I sat back and listened as the two of them talked about a recent high school graduate who was no longer welcome at the establishment. This got my attention because I’d never known anyone who was not welcome to get their haircut there. As the conversation continued, I found out why. The person they were talking about was an openly gay teen who had been getting his haircut there for years. The reason he was no longer welcome was because he had brought his boyfriend into the store to get his haircut with him, and because my hair stylist and former one (who owns the store) did not approve of their relationship.

I listened to this conversation with such a huge gut wrenching feeling. Neither of these two people who I have known for years now knows that I am gay. They don’t know all the pain and struggle I’ve gone through in trying to come to terms with the fact that I am sexually attracted to other men. And they probably have no idea how much that young teen boy has gone through either.

The conversation continued. I listened as they talked about how far our society has gone to accept homosexuality and make it okay or cool to be gay, and how our schools are teaching kids it’s okay to be gay, and how immoral all of it is.

I felt crushed. I felt like what had started off as a good day had all of a sudden been totally trashed. And, still, I could not find the courage to out myself in front of them and tell them what I really thought of the whole thing.

No one has to like what decisions I make in life. No one has to like anyone else’s decisions in life. But when someone makes a decision about the way they want to live their life, in ways that do not affect the way other people live theirs, I find it immoral of anyone to judge them for that.

I don’t care if it is a sin to be in a homosexual relationship or not. If someone chooses that for himself or herself, what does that matter to anyone else? Feel sorry, sad, talk to with care, or pray for the person, but do not act as though they’re the scum of the earth just because you disapprove. What gets me is that both hair stylists wouldn’t bat an eye if an unmarried, sexually active, straight couple came into their store, or if a straight couple shows public displays of affection, but somehow they do have a problem with gay couples. There is hypocrisy there.

People don’t have to like the decisions I make in life. But then again, these are my decision, not theirs. These are decisions that I have had to wrestle with to come to some conclusion. So, until they’ve walked in my shoes, I find it incredibly rude and uncaring for them to make a big deal about what I’ve decided for myself. It is my life, and certain decisions, like whether or not to be gay, are personal decisions that do not affect the way other people live their lives anyway. Sometimes I just want to tell other people to go to hell. Because that’s how they make me feel: like hell. And I’d say that’s exactly how they made that young gay couple feel. They rejected them outright.

Today, I wished Jesus was who I went to to cut my hair. If he was, I know I’d have not heard the conversation I heard today. And I may have even seen that gay couple sitting there beside me, waiting for their turn. Jesus never turned people away from him. So why do so many Christians today feel that they need to do that to others? It’s because they dislike, are scared, and are angered by those who are different from them, and because being around people who are different makes them question their worldview. Well, if you ask me, that’s not living very Christ-like.

My name is Brandon. I want to become a great teacher. I want to live near where I grew up. At this time, I’m not so sure that I want kids of my own (I have my nephews). I want to write children’s books, spy thrillers, suspense mysteries, and some historical nonfiction books. I am gay, but celibate. I do not want to be openly gay to everybody. I don’t care if I ever become straight or not—it really doesn’t matter. I am a Christian. And I want friends who will treat others the way they’d like to be treated, as I treat others the way I’d like to be treated. These are my decisions, and I accept them in full. If you don’t accept them, keep it to yourself, because at the end of the day, it’s my life and I have to live it the way I see is best for me, not as you see is best for you.

On Friendly Ground

I’ve never been able to understand other peoples’ concepts of friendship. For me, once you’re a friend you are, generally speaking, always a friend. And it doesn’t matter so much to me if you’re a friend from work, school, church, or elsewhere.

A lot of people seem to want to categorize their friends in a way that I just don’t understand. Friends at work are only friends while at work. Friends from school are only friends at school. And the same applies to the other imaginable categories. But why is this?

I know there are several people who I call friend that would probably only call me an acquaintance. And herein is a very subtle line, because there are some people who I’d also only call an acquaintance who may in fact call me a friend. Really, should there even be a difference though? I think there is an obvious difference. For me, an acquaintance is someone who you are on friendly terms with, but is not someone who you know very well or have spent much time with. A friend, on the other hand, is someone you know fairly well, who you’ve most likely shared some emotional bond with.

But what I don’t understand is how some people can toss their friendships with people to the side, as if it meant, or means, nothing. Friendship is one of the best things a person can have, and yet I see people all the time who don’t seem to care about their friends. I know I’ve not always been the best friend in the world. I tend to isolate myself far too often, and in doing so I end up pushing people away that I don’t mean to push away.

Time. Now there’s something that can end a friendship. For me, time usually means nothing. As I said, once a friend, usually always a friend—that’s just how I roll. But for some, if you’ve not been around each other for awhile, well, that just means the friendship is finished. I don’t get that. In my mind, if there has been some time go by, well, to be reunited or reconnected somehow should be a good thing—just pick up where you last left off.

It bothers me when I care about people who no longer care about me simply because we haven’t been around each other for a while. I don’t change so much, so I just don’t get it. Why not keep on being friends? Do other people totally reinvent themselves every few months or so? I mean, I do realize time can change things. I’m not completely the same person I was in high school—far from it—but I can still be friends, or at the very least, friendly, with people I was friends with in high school. Other people can’t seem to do that for some reason.

But then I’ve never understood relationships between people anyway. In a lot of cases I’ve always seemed to be the odd man out. I just don’t understand why people can’t be friends with each other without all the restrictions.

Oh, well you’re only a friend when I’m at work; you’re only a church friend; you’re only a friend at school; It’s been too long for us to still be friends… I just don’t understand any of those sorts of thinking. So, if you are a friend of mine reading this now, I’d like you to know this: If you are my friend you are my friend, regardless of where we see each other the most, or how often we communicate with each other. You’ll always have a friend in me. If you are my friend, I value you too much for those other things to make any difference.

Ten Reasons Why Gay Marriage Will Ruin Society

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans ™ always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

I found this list online and couldn’t help but find the hypocrisy both amusing and sad. If anything, this list should help open the eyes of a lot of people. I believe if we are truly going to live in the land of the free, we should allow homosexual couples to marry. If it is an adult, consensual relationship, then who are any of us to dictate or interfere with it? Whether we believe it is sinful or not, it is not our place as Americans to forbid people from entering into such relationships if they should so choose. And as Christians, we cannot impose our beliefs on others.