China Doll

A few weeks ago, I went with my family to see Oz: the Great and Powerful. Overall, I really enjoyed this sort of prequel to 1939’s The Wizard of Oz. One thing I particularly found memorable was a scene with a little China Doll character.

At the beginning of the movie, Oz (the Wizard), while performing a “magic” act, unintentionally convinces a little girl in a wheelchair, and her family, that he has the ability to make her walk again. They plead with him to help her, but he knows he is unable to and quickly leaves off stage, telling them he cannot help. Later in the movie, while in the Land of Oz, Oz comes across a small China doll whose legs have been broken off after an attack by the wicked witch. She is saddened by the loss of her legs and thinks she’ll never be able to walk again—this is an obvious parallel to the little girl in the earlier scene. Hoping to help her, he uses some glue from his bag of tricks to reattach her legs. After some shaky first steps, she is once again able to use her legs and walk. She is overjoyed with happiness for what he has been able to do for her—something that he could not do for the little girl in real life.

It is such a sweet, innocent scene, and it warmed my heart. It got me to thinking about how much most of us wish we could do more good in this world than what we often have time or the ability to do, and yet, in the Land of Oz, all things are possible. It reminds me that with God all things are possible; and even if things are not always as we’d wish them to be, we should always have hope for better things.

Something else it got me to thinking about though is how we are sometimes better off in certain places, or under certain circumstances, than we are in others. I really do believe that there is a place for each of us, a purpose for each of us, and that, even though it may take us some time to find our places in life, they will eventually be revealed to us. Oz’s place was not amongst the people of real life, but amongst the people of Oz. Columbus’s place was not to stay and farm the rich land of Europe, but to explore and find a whole new world and other civilizations. Jesus’ place was not to stay amongst the people of Nazareth, but to venture out and save the world. We are all meant for something. And even if that something is small and appears to be of little significance in comparison to others, it is assuredly of more importance than most of us could ever possibly understand.

I think sometimes about what my place is—where am I best suited for and what am I best suited to do? Even though I think living in a rural, conservative place is annoying or frustrating at times, I know in my heart it is where I am meant to be. Even though I love building houses and furniture and designing things, being a teacher is what I am meant to do. Even though my family sometimes makes me want to scream, I know we are a perfect match for each other.

In a lot of ways, I feel like I have figured out my place and purposes in life. But with that said, I still wonder what God has in store for me. I wonder where He will lead me, or what he will have me doing, or who he will have me being around. I wonder what direction my life will take (so long as I continue allowing Him to guide me and have hope).

Where is your hope? Where is your place? What is your purpose in life?

The Significance of Stars

Around midnight, I went outside just to sort of chill out for a minute on the back porch.  I leaned on the railing and looked out at the field behind our house, and then up to the stars in the sky.  There wasn't a cloud in sight.  I just kept looking, trying to find Orion's Belt and the Dippers.

After a few minutes, I felt a sort of peaceful awe come over me.  I started thinking about how many stars there are, how bright some are and how dim others are, and wondering just how many of those stars might have planets and other worlds circling round them.  I found my mind full of all kinds of imaginative thoughts.  And I thought about how great and wonderful God is to have created so much beauty.  Here we are, so small and insignificant in so many ways, and yet out of all His creation, God loves us most.  If that's not a comfort, I don't know what is.

When my grandma died, I inherited a lot of her things.  Some of these things are old and worth some money.  Some are things that hold some sentimental value.  I'm glad I've been able to get these things, but I know that my grandma was worth more to me than any of it.  She was worth more than anything I own, and I would have given anything, including my life, to have helped keep her alive.  I feel that way about most of my family.

I think I understand God a lot better now than I used to.  Yeah, He has everything in existence; it all belongs to Him: the sun, the earth, the stars, the planets... everything.  But out of all of it, we mean the most to Him.  He gave it all up, including His life, for us.  I can't think of anything better than that.  I can't think of any act of love greater than that.  And it makes me so overwhelmed and glad to have a God like that who is a part of my life.  It is a comfort beyond all others.

We mean more than the stars.

Who Am I?

I keep trying to think of myself differently than I used to. I know I am thinking better about who I am.

Who am I? I am a Christian. I am a son, a brother, and a friend. I am a writer. I care about other people... actually, it's being a friend that seems to mean something right now to me the most. I began praying for friends about a year and half ago. And God has been giving me friends. I met a fellow struggler online back last winter, and we've become really good pen pals. I feel like I can write just about anything to him, and I know I can trust him and rely on him. I love him. But not in any other way than as a friend and a brother. I'd actually referred to him as a little brother on a couple of occasions and hadn't really thought anything of it. He referred to me as big brother the other day, and that somehow meant so much to me. I have a friend I'm close enough to that we can relate to each other as brothers. We care about each other, help each other, and encourage each other. I was taken back when he said I was "indispensable" the last time he wrote to me. I've never felt as though I was that important to anyone else before. I've often wondered if I were to die, or just disappear, would anyone really care. Anyone besides family, that is.

I got to thinking about some of the friends God has given me. There's been guys at work I've made friends with, guys at church, on blogger, and elsewhere. God is giving me friends, and each one has impacted my life in some very positive ways. I know people do care about me. I know I'm not as different from other guys as I used to think I was. I know I'm learning a lot of things. I know I'm important to other people, and it matters whether I live or die. I have friends. I am a friend. I went a long time not being able to say that. I'd so isolated myself that there wasn't anybody else in my life. I was alone. But I'm not alone anymore, and it's great not to be.

In my last post, I wrote about when I foolishly believe in the lies the devil tells me about myself. He tries to tear me down and make me into something so awful. I'm learning that that's not who I am though. I'm learning that God sees me for something good. He loves me and cares for me, and He wants my life to be something beautiful and meaningful. I am a follower of Christ. I like saying that, because there's meaning to it. God has been giving me friends, but even still, none of them compare to the friend I have in Jesus. He's my best friend by far. And the great thing about Him is that He'll never leave me, He'll always love me, He'll always help me, and He'll always lead me and influence me in positive ways.

I hope God keeps giving me friends. I thank Him for each of them. To borrow a quote from my favorite movie, It's A Wonderful Life: "No man is a failure who has friends." I have friends, and that makes all the difference in the world.

(I really did appreciate something Rik wrote in the comments section of my last post. He told me how he thought about me, and there was nothing bad at all there. It's honestly dumbfounded me some to learn that others don't and won't hold my struggles against me. A few years ago, I literally did think that was an impossibility. I suppose that's why I'd isolated myself so much. Either way, thanks to Rik. I needed that little shot of encouragement.)

Everything Is Meaningless: A Chasing After the Wind

In the last couple of months I'll admit to having felt a little bit of a desire to just give up... on all things. I've tried hard to fix things in my life, and with little result, and I've been so very frustrated and disappointed with myself. I haven't honestly been too good to myself lately. I've been in despair--full of hopelessness. I've wallowed in self-pity and regret. I've wished for things to be so different, when sometimes things just can't be. Not everything can be changed. Although I'll admit that with God, all things can be. I'll never limit the power of God to change a life. However, it can be so hard trying to what seems to be no avail. There again, that's where patience can be a virtue. Waiting patiently for what you want can sometimes be so very discouraging.

I read a book by a man named Bob Blackford back in the winter. A friend had pointed it out to me and so I ordered it online, got it, and read through it in a flash. I couldn't put it down. The book was called "Heaven's Back Row". Anyone who gets a chance to read this book should. It's a tremendous testimony. But I will admit it is a somewhat sad testimony at that. It's one of the very few books that can actually make me break down in tears crying.

When I finished reading the book, I decided to email the author (His email address was given at the back of the book). He replied back to me, "Life is hard, but sometimes you get a patch of light. Keep falling forward, Brandon."

I love what Mr. Blackford told me. Life is hard. Of course we all know this. There are so many stumbling blocks to get in our ways. We all do things we live to regret. We all face challenges. We all struggle with something. Life is hard, beyond a shadow of a doubt. But whenever we feel that things can't get any worse, oftentimes we do get a patch of light--something that lifts us up and reveals to us that better days are indeed ahead. Things can't stay bad forever. But even if they do, we have a great hope that will shine upon us in our darkest of hours. We are given a hope from God that will pick us up out of the gutter and give us the strength to carry on. And when we get that hope, that strength, that patch of light, we pick ourselves up and continue along our way. If we are true followers of Christ, we will always move forward, trying to do God's will and obeying His ways. No doubt, we will always have our falls though. "Keep falling forward, Brandon." I think that's tremendous advice. In other words, don't give up. Keep on trying, no matter how hard things get, no matter how frustrated I get, no matter how hopeless I become. "Keep falling forward." I think I'll always remember that.

At times, I do feel that everything in life is meaningless. What's the point really to most things? Nothing in this world is incorruptible. Nothing is absolute. Nothing lasts forever. So, what's the point? Anything of this world worth chasing after is meaningless. It is a chasing after the wind--something that even if you ever do manage to grasp hold of, it will inevitably slip right through your fingers. The only real thing worth chasing after is a relationship with Christ. It's the only real thing that matters. Everything else is meaningless. That is, everything is meaningless without God.

I didn't go to church last Sunday morning. I'd been holding a grudge against God and a few others at my church for a few things, and I just honestly felt no desire at all to go. I ended up feeling bad about that decision the whole day through. I had also been skipping the Wednesday evening services as well as our Sunday evening services, both of which I had formerly attended regularly. I forced myself to go to our last Wednesday night service. And I'm glad I did go. The lesson was on a passage from Ecclesiastes. The lesson in general gave me that patch of light I had been looking for. I had been feeling so hopeless about everything. I was wanting to give up and just drift for awhile. Then I was reminded that my thinking was right, only if God was not in the equation. Well, God is in the equation. It's not all meaningless when I have Him in my life. It's all worthwhile. Life is indeed worth the living.

In the last month or two I do believe I've fallen quite hard. Not as bad as I could have, but certainly more than I should have. But I think I will continue to move forward. I'm sure I'll fall a bunch more times before all is said and done, but it's the goal that has to be kept in mind. "Keep falling forward." I think that's wonderful advice for anyone. Giving up and turning away never is the answer. And in our tiredness, God will always give us that patch of light so we can keep falling forward. He will never allow us to bare more than we can withstand.