Telling

I watched these videos for the first time today. They were made by a young man serving in the military who, back in November--after the ban on gays serving openly in the military came to an end--finally felt comfortable enough to come out to his family and friends.

I watch him and I'm reminded of how nervous, afraid, worried, and panicked I was when I first came out to anyone. The very first person was a former preacher of mine. I was dumbstruck the moment I went to tell him, and ended up just turning to a passage in Leviticus in the Bible for him to read. He read it and understood. I very similarly had trouble coming out to my dad. I'd made up my mind to do it, and asked if he'd drive out town with me. We ended up spending nearly an hour or so just driving around before I was finally able to say "I like other guys." Afterward, he quickly found his way to a nearby parking area (I assume so that he'd not drive us off a cliff) and stopped the car. We sat there for awhile longer and just talked about it. To say I was nervous, terrified, worried, and panicked would be an understatement. Like the guy in these videos, I was so worried no one would love me if they knew I was gay.

Since then, a few more have found out, and some have taken the news well, while others haven't so much. I've never been able to just come out to my mom, but I know Dad told her. She likes to pretend it isn't so, which does at times bother me somewhat, but at least she's never really made a big deal out of it. And neither has my dad. But I know it meant the world to me, and was probably the best response anyone has ever given me concerning this, when my dad said, "I still love you." What better way could a parent respond to this sort of news.