I’m not sure what it is, but the last couple of days I really haven’t felt very well. I’ve felt down, or depressed. This happens to me every once in a while and thankfully it has been a while now since the last time. But it seems to have landed squarely on me yet again.
I’m feeling a lot of pressure. I need a job (and there are a few I’m trying for--please pray for me about this), I have many family members needing my help, I have several projects of my own I’d like to finish but never seem to get enough time to finish them, and there are many decisions I’m just having to make very quickly. I feel tired, and to a very large extent, I just wish everyone around me would back off some.
On top of all this, I really wish I could find a boyfriend. I’m getting older and I know the older a person gets the harder this sort of thing usually becomes. That aside, I’m just ready for that sort of thing. I mean, I could spend my whole life alone and probably be content enough, but I would like to find someone who I truly could spend my life with and be happy together. I don’t think I want to be alone, content or not.
I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago, mostly dealing with changes in one’s life and trying not to worry. I haven’t posted it yet, because since writing it, I seem to have worried quite a lot about a lot of things, even though I’ve been trying really hard not to. I probably will still post it eventually, but I might need to rework it some first.
You know, I really don’t like a lot about my life. It’s not that things are really bad. It’s just that I’m tired of the way a lot of things have been. I want to have a better job, I want to be out on my own, I want my parents to actually give a darn and “parent” me when I need them to and to get out of my way when I need to take the lead myself, I wish I didn’t have to worry so much about money, and I wish… I just wish I didn’t feel quite so stuck feeling all the time. I feel like I can’t be who I want to be—in virtually any regard—and I’m so sick of that feeling.
I’m sure I’m just whining, and probably no one really wants to hear or read any of this. I guess I just need to vent a little and this forum seems to be a great refuge at the moment.