How Do You Let Go of the One You Love?

For several months now, going on a full year, I have found myself in love with one of my friends. I never planned on these feelings coming about, and I’ve done my best not to encourage them. But as I’ve grown closer to this friend, the more these feelings have grown. I’ve not told him how I feel about him. But I know that I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone else. I’d love to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to take care of him. I want to love him. I want to spend time with him, to share my life with him.

I know some people may want to suggest that the feelings I have for this friend are based more on lust or infatuation, or an emotional dependency, but they’re wrong. This man I love isn’t a great looking man—in fact he’s rather ordinary. And I can and have went long periods of time without being around him and without falling to pieces, so I am far from emotionally dependent on him. And it’s not about sex. I just want to be with him. I love him. When I think about him, see him, or hear his voice, I feel as though a missing part of me has finally been discovered. I feel warm, almost giddy. I feel complete and comforted in a way that nothing else has ever made me feel.

But as a Christian, I know I can never be with him. Because he too is a Christian, I know I can never be with him. I can never be with him.

Can someone please tell me how I am to let him go? How do I let this person I love leave my heart, without feeling as though I’m giving up the person I’m meant to be with, and feeling as though I’m giving up the only real chance I’ll ever have at having a relationship with someone? How do I not have these feelings anymore?

How do I let go of the one I love?

Savior, Please

This is my one hundredth post. I’d thought about writing something really special, or meaningful, to mark the occasion, but then I thought about this song and I realized it was more befitting than anything else I could possibly think of writing right now. It’s a great song by Josh Wilson. I hope you enjoy it.

I will just say this though: I thank God for the technology of today, and for being able to have this blog. Without it—or more importantly, without the contact with other people it has allowed me—I’d be a far different person today than I am.

Here’s to the next hundred! :)

Fell in Love with a Boy (or: I Want to Run)

I want to run
I want to run away from my life
And begin my life anew

I want to love the man I love
And to know he loves me too

I want to know I belong
And to know that there is a real purpose to my living

I want to make friends
I want people to like me
People I can share my life with

I want my family to get along
I want to enjoy my family

I want to run
I want to run

I feel myself falling away
I am—somebody I seem to know less and less about every day
I don’t understand

I want something else
I just want to run
I want to love the man I fell in love with
I want to run to him
I want to run