For several months now, going on a full year, I have found myself in love with one of my friends. I never planned on these feelings coming about, and I’ve done my best not to encourage them. But as I’ve grown closer to this friend, the more these feelings have grown. I’ve not told him how I feel about him. But I know that I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone else. I’d love to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to take care of him. I want to love him. I want to spend time with him, to share my life with him.
I know some people may want to suggest that the feelings I have for this friend are based more on lust or infatuation, or an emotional dependency, but they’re wrong. This man I love isn’t a great looking man—in fact he’s rather ordinary. And I can and have went long periods of time without being around him and without falling to pieces, so I am far from emotionally dependent on him. And it’s not about sex. I just want to be with him. I love him. When I think about him, see him, or hear his voice, I feel as though a missing part of me has finally been discovered. I feel warm, almost giddy. I feel complete and comforted in a way that nothing else has ever made me feel.
But as a Christian, I know I can never be with him. Because he too is a Christian, I know I can never be with him. I can never be with him.
Can someone please tell me how I am to let him go? How do I let this person I love leave my heart, without feeling as though I’m giving up the person I’m meant to be with, and feeling as though I’m giving up the only real chance I’ll ever have at having a relationship with someone? How do I not have these feelings anymore?
How do I let go of the one I love?