What's Going On? (or: A Tale of Two Tuesdays)

Last Tuesday was just one of those days. It began early with a visit to the doctor’s office with my grandma (her visit, not mine). I sat in the waiting room for about an hour before she came out and told me she was given another appointment for an x-ray at the hospital the following morning to help determine if she was having small pin strokes. I was worried upon hearing that. When we got back to the car we decided to go for a little drive just as an excuse to stay out a little longer, and since she’d been cooped up quite a bit lately I figured it’d do her some good and take her mind off of some things.

Our little drive turned out to be the best part of the day. When we got back, my mom called me saying that dad had been trying to get a hold of me, something about my grandpa. So, I said goodbye to my maternal grandma and headed home to call Dad. It turned out that he had had to leave work because my paternal grandpa had gotten ill. He had been looking for me to see if I could go and stay with him so that he wouldn’t have to leave work. My paternal grandma, who usually would have taken care of the problem, just so happened to be out of town with my aunt for her own doctor’s visit. But it turned out dad was able to take care of him and he got to feeling better by the time my grandma got back in the county. I was likewise worried about all of this.

Then, a few hours later when mom got home, she had brought my cousin’s girls home with her because my cousin’s wife’s mom had been taken to the hospital due to her cancer, and so they needed someone to look after the girls. At this point, I cancelled going to the movies that night with my brother (something that had been planned for over a week at that point), which caused a big fight between the two of us—the last thing I needed at that moment. That crisis got resolved though. Later that night, however, when my cousin and his wife showed up to get the girls, my cousin’s wife passed out on the front porch as a result of her blood sugar dropping due to diabetes. We finally got her taken care of and they all left.

And as if that hadn’t been enough drama and turmoil for one day, my nephews decided to throw one of the biggest tantrums of the year while getting ready for bed, to which it took no less than an hour getting them calmed and settled.

By the time I got in bed I literally felt like it had been the day from hell. I was exhausted, worried, and an emotional wreck. All in all, it was just a horrible day.

Today, however, has been in stark contrast to last Tuesday. I slept in to about 9:30am. I sauntered through to the kitchen and made a cup of what turned out to be some very delicious coffee. I watered some plants out on the porch and sat on the swing enjoying the mild weather for a few minutes. Then I went back in and got the computer out and checked my email and the latest news. I did some writing and listened to some music. There have been no reports of anyone being sick or anything else bad happening. There’ve been no worrying, blowups, or other crises going on. And it’s honestly been rather quiet around the house for a change.

Altogether, it has been turning out to be a really good day. But, looking back to last week, it just amazes me how different two days can be. One day, things can be falling apart all around you, and the next day, everything goes just as good as can be.

I am glad for the good days.

Down And Out On A Really Good Day

Today has been a really good day.

I spent the early morning with my brother. I didn't go to church today. I woke up so tired and exhausted that I just didn't want to go to church and gain even more frustrations than what I have already had here lately. I've struggled to go to church where I go for a very long time, and I've hoped for such a long time that things would improve. A few things have improved, greatly, the last two or three years, but something is still missing. I just don't feel like there's a place for me there. And I don't feel comfortable around my preacher anymore. So, knowing that skipping church isn't something I should do or would condone of others, I did skip church this morning. Instead, I stayed at home and assisted my younger brother--who hasn't attended church for a little over a year now--at playing Zelda: Twilight Princess. I discovered just how entertaining that game can be. In fact, I felt really drawn into it. Of course, it wasn't long until I began giving my opinion on every move my brother was making throughout the game. I don't think he minded that too very much. We were enjoying each other's company.

When my parents got back from church we decided to take a little trip through the countryside, touring valleys and river bottoms in the adjacent county. There was an old turn-of-the-(20th)century church building we stopped and looked at. It had wood siding, tall windows, wooden seats and floors and ceiling, a wood burning stove in the center of the room, and a piano that looked like it had lost it's prime back in the fifties. It was really cool. It was easy to imagine how this church and it's congregation would have been back in it's hay day. We also toured through an old graveyard, taking note of the names on the old marble headstones trying to figure out if we knew anyone who may be related to any of the people buried there. We drove through the valleys looking at the hillsides and creeks and rivers and the changing leaves, and it was so very beautiful. I couldn't help but feel relaxed. I felt calmed and relieved. I felt better. The last few months I've been so stressed with my job, it was just really good to get away for awhile. Even if it was for a short day trip.

This evening, I've simply taken everything in stride. I've tried to enjoy this day the best I could. I am tired though. And I do dread having to go back to work tomorrow. My job is almost over, and when it is, I'll not go back to work there again. I've worked for several years at my job, and I've got a lot out of the place where I've worked, but I know my time there is through. I found out last Tuesday that my boss doesn't like me, nor the job that I've done this year, and that he has no plans of rehiring me next season. That news has pretty much crushed my spirit the last several days. I've worked so hard and tried my best this summer to do the best job I could do that to find out something like this... well, it's just like all the life in me has been punched out of me. I feel as though all the hard work I've done has been in vain. I feel like I've wasted my time and energy and, well, my life. I mean, I'm not surprised by what my boss has been saying about me, but it still hurts. I feel like this is just another example of how my best never is good enough for anyone. I feel like I'm never good enough for anyone. Maybe this recent bit of news is God's way of telling me to move on? I had already been trying to decide whether I wanted to go back next year or not anyway. Maybe I've just not been listening closely enough to God? I did feel like He was telling me not to take the job this year anyhow, but I wouldn't listen. This may just be His way of telling me, "See, I told you not to do it". Then again, maybe this has nothing to do with God and all comes down to the mean and uncaring people of the world who wouldn't know a good thing if it come up and bit them on the ***. Either way, I'm tired and I can't wait until the day I get laid off from work.

Today has been a good day. I needed today. I just hope there will be a few more of them sooner rather than later.