Friday, June 12, 2009

Random Bits of Boredom and Some Thoughts on My Mind

As the title of this post would suggest, I have been literally bored out of my mind the last few days. This is the first summer in a while that I haven’t had a job. I’m used to working outdoors and getting my hands dirty. So far, this summer has been absent of that sort of work. Or, well, it’s been absent of the great degree of it to which I’m used to. With no job, and not being in school for the moment, I’ve had plenty of time to take care of some long time projects. My bedroom is the cleanest it’s been in months—no more stacks of books and school papers lying around on the floor for me!—I’ve compiled a four inch thick folder of worksheets and lesson plan ideas that I’d accumulated over the last two semesters (should really come in handy once I start teaching), I’ve written one short story, revised another, written more on a novel that’s been in the works for what seems like forever now, and thoroughly enjoyed as much reading, movies, video games, exercise, and exploring the countryside as I can possibly take in. On top of that, I’ve spent quite a lot of extra time with my family.

One thing I’ve not done yet, but been itching to do, is a carpentry project of some sort. If any of you didn’t know this about me, I actually really enjoy carpentry. I’ve been considering building a table or desk on account that the one I currently have just isn’t really big enough for all of my computer stuff. It’s also crossed my mind that I might be able to make a little extra money building some furniture. Money aside, and the need for a larger desk, I just really enjoy building things, feeling as though I’m making something useful, being productive like that. It’s actually been some time since I was last able to do any of this sort of work, so I really am looking forward to it.

On the subject of carpentry, has it ever struck anyone curious that Jesus, being God himself, the creator of the entire universe, was a carpenter by trade? I’m not sure if I’d ever really considered how perfectly suited the job of a carpenter was for him; after all, being a carpenter you get to create—just something neat to think about.

Something else I’m working on is getting a little healthier. I’ve been trying to eat better foods, and when I say that, I mean those with less than 100 grams of fat and five-thousand calories, which pretty much rules out fast food. The last couple of years, life for me had been so busy I’d allowed fast food to become my friend. The downside was that I’ve put on about thirty pounds. Yep, the diet is in full effect. No more eating out (at least no more than twice a month, if I can help it) and no more junk food. I’ve also gotten back on a regular exercise routine. I love jogging/walking. There’s a track that I like to go to just a mile or two out of town. It’s a nice place. I try to go at night, because I like the cool air and the fact that I usually get the place all to myself. It’s somewhere I can go and avoid any distractions and have the privacy to either talk through my thoughts or talk to God. And I love the sound of the crickets and seeing the lightning bugs in the field nearby. It’s just really peaceful. Usually I’ll walk five laps and jog or run five laps. Sometimes I’ll do more or less depending on the weather. In addition to jogging, I’ve been doing fifty to a hundred crunches and fifty pushups once every other day. So far I’ve managed to lose a little over five pounds. Anyone got any tips for me? I’d appreciate the advice.

I’ve been thinking about church lately. It’s been a while since I’ve went. To be honest, I’m afraid if I go back to church and something else goes wrong I’ll just end up wanting to quit it for good. I know this isn’t good. I believe Jesus meant for us, His followers, to be in relationship with each other. But I feel as though the church today just isn’t what it ought to be. And I’m not sure where, if I was going to go to church, I’d go. I’m not sure what I’ll end up doing. Maybe I’ll go back to my old church, maybe I’ll find a different one, maybe I’ll just take a little more time away from it to figure out what I’m doing. Only problem with that last idea is that I know not being in church isn’t helping me. I know I need the support it provides, even if that support only comes in the form of feeling as though I’m a part of something.

I’ve also been thinking about friends. I want to thank everyone who gave such good advice and comments for my last post, which was of this subject. One thing I realize is that I am a shy person. I also have trouble trusting people. So, it takes a while for me to open up to people. I realize that this doesn’t help me to make friends very easily. I know I can also be rather stubborn and perhaps even arrogant at times, neither of which can help when it comes to building a relationship with a person. I also recognize that it doesn’t help me any being gay and living in a rural part of the country, where being different isn’t typically considered a good thing to be. I’m not openly gay to too many people actually, but I know a lot of people think that about me. I know I do have some rather effeminate mannerisms and my voice is sort of soft. As Jay would call it, I have a little extra “sugar in my step”, so to speak (I don’t know why but I can’t help but like that expression). I’m sure a lot of guys see me and hear me speak and just automatically assume that I’m either gay or just too effeminate or different for their own liking. Regardless of whatever it is about me or otherwise that keeps me from making/keeping friends, I’m determined to keep on trying. I suppose it’s the stubbornness in me that keeps me from giving up.

Another thought on my mind is that I haven’t felt very close to my dad lately. I was playing the second Splinter Cell game the other night and out of nowhere this huge feeling of nostalgia came over me. I’m a terrible sentimentalist like that. I remembered a few years back when my dad and I played through the game for the first time. We played several other games together as well—mostly Medal of Honor and James Bond games. When we were playing those games I felt the most connected with my dad. I really enjoyed those times. There haven’t been very many like that when I felt so close to him. I struck up a conversation with him the other day about the Splinter Cell game, and I could see after a few minutes the fondness he has for those times as well. We ended up talking about the things we remembered most from some of the games and it didn’t take long for the excitement to grow in both of our voices. I’m hoping we’ll be playing one of the ole games together again soon.

Well, that should probably be just about enough from me. I’ll close with just one last thought, though. Does anyone else think that maybe it was a good thing that abortion doctor got shot recently? I mean, I hate that the man was killed, and by no means do I mean to imply that people should take up their guns and start killing doctors, but the man was admittedly himself the murderer of hundreds of unborn babies. I can’t help but feel as though a mass murderer just finally got what was coming to him. I know that probably sounds rather harsh, but seriously, with the man dead, his clinic has closed and who knows how many babies could now get a chance to live. Sort of makes you think a bit, doesn’t it?

(I want to add just this one last thing in order to avoid any further confusion. I do not condone the murder of Dr. Tiller. I think it was an awful thing that he was murdered. All I meant in the previous paragraph was that I think it's a good thing fewer abortions may take place now. But I do not think it was a good thing Dr. Tiller was murdered, nor do I believe his murderer had a right to do so. I'd have much rather him lived and somebody have been able to convince him to stop doing the abortions. And I want to apologize if my comments earlier seemed insensitive or uncaring. That really was not my intent.)


freelancer said...

I hope nobody thinks “maybe it was a good thing that abortion doctor got shot”. Are you serious? Are you really, really serious. Murder is good?

Now, I may understand your immediate response that “he was a murderer!”. However, have you done any research?

Do you know what kind of late term abortions he performed? Do you know who his clients included?
There was the case of 9 year old pregnant due to incest. Others due to rape. Do you think women came to him just for the hell of it?
All of his cases had to have a second opinion. He was paraded before a jury on trumped up charges and found innocent on all charges.
He obviously felt a moral duty to do what he was doing. He was a Christian. Murdered in church. Is this what was “a good thing?”

You’re right, his murder does make me think a bit. It makes me think about how immoral and unlike Christ so many people can be.

Brandon said...

I thought I made it clear that no I do not think his "murder" was a good thing. Apparently I wasn't clear enough on that point. I don't condone murder at all. And to express how far against that I am I assure you I'm screaming that out loud as I wrote that just now. No, murder is not good! It's never good. What I think IS good is that he can no longer perform abortions on hundreds of innocent unborn babies. I don't care if a person was conceived out of rape or incest or anything else, it's still a person, a potential human life we're talking about ending. I feel sorry for the women this happens to, but I don't believe what happened to them excuses murder of an unborn child. Granted, for certain health reasons I might actually say that abortion may be necessary for the survival of the mother. Granted.

All this goes to what I was thinking though. People want to cry and whine around because this doctor was murdered, but obviously think nothing about the hundreds of lives he helped bring to an horrific end himself. Shame on anyone who would defend the guy. Yes, he was a mass murderer in my opinion. He was killed because of that. I feel sorry for his family and I don't think the man who killed him had a right to do what he did. All I know is his death may actually lead to fewer abortions, and as far as I'm concerned that's a good thing. More people might actually get to live now because he doesn't. That's all that I meant. I'd have preferred the man lived and just stopped performing abortions.

Let me repeat again just so that I'm as crystal clear as I can be. I DO NOT SUPPORT MURDER!!! I'm even against the death penalty for crying out loud, that's how much I am against it.

Brandon said...

I'll apologize for any wrong impressions I may have given.

freelancer said...

Well, that is reassuring. I honestly thought you were sounding a bit "wingnutty". It may have been more me than you. Apologies.

Brandon said...

I probably just didn't explain myself thoroughly enough. If I thought someone was saying what you thought I was, I'd probably have responded similarly.

No worries. :)

Sweeney said...

You're lucky to at least have had a close realationship with your Dad. I have never been close with my parents. As for church, you should def try to start going again. I know it can be hard to go for many reasons. But one of the main things about church, besides fellowshiping with others, is that you are showing God that you want to take out time from your life to give to him in worship. I am a very non-social person, and I dont like going sometimes, but i show God that I care for Him by taking time out of my life to go.

Brandon said...

I'm sorry you've never been able to feel any closeness to your parents. I haven't had very many times when I felt close to my dad. But I have enjoyed those moments when I did. I used to feel close to my mom, but the last few years that's not really been the case at all. So much of the time I honestly can't stand being around either of my parents. They're too wrapped up in themselves to notice me or care most of the time, I think.

As for church, I see what you mean, and I agree with you. I do still take time out for God though.

Thanks for the thoughts, Sweeney. And God bless ya. :)