Anti-Reparative Therapy Laws

Should parents be banned from forcing or allowing their kids to undergo reparative therapy to “cure” homosexuality?

Many LGBT friendly groups have recently attempted to push through legislation that would do just that. I understand their thoughts behind it, but I think there is a fine line between looking after the best interests of a child from a societal viewpoint (parents can’t physically abuse their children), and looking after the best interests of a child from a parental viewpoint (children can’t stay out past 9pm).

People tend to have very different beliefs when it comes to raising kids. Some parents believe it is okay to spank their children, others don’t. Some parents believe in taking their children to church with them to pass on their religious beliefs, others don’t. Some parents believe in making their children work for their first car, others don’t. And the list could go on and on.

When it comes to sexuality, I understand full well why some parents would want their children to undergo reparative therapy, but I also understand why many people would believe that to be emotionally, as well as perhaps physically (in some cases) abusive to a child. Parents who are religious may simply want to help their child/children from growing up and engaging in sexual activities that they believe are sinful and/or harmful to them. Others may view sexuality so concretely that teaching anything other than full acceptance is harmful.

My personal belief is that reparative therapy should be allowed, but that children should never be forced to undergo it.

I think back to when I was younger, in middle school and high school days, and wishing so much that I wasn’t gay. I wanted a cure. I wanted something, anything, to help take away those feelings. Not knowing of anything like that, and wanting to adhere to my religious beliefs more than any physical and emotional wants, it was devastating to me thinking that there was no cure, or no way to fight. I thought I had no choice but to be gay.

At that time, I know that accepting my sexuality for what it is would have in no way made me feel better about myself. I’m okay now, but at the time, I needed some hope that I didn’t have to be gay, because in my eyes, that just wasn’t an option. And I do believe that that was a big reason for why I felt so suicidal there in my late teens and early twenties. I felt I had no choice but to be something that I so desperately did not want to be. I didn’t stop feeling suicidal and start realizing that my attractions to other men were okay, and to accept myself, until I sought out help from Exodus International, a place specializing in reparative therapy.

Did it help me to seek treatment? Yes, it did. Should I have had to seek treatment? No, probably not. Was it my choice to seek treatment? Yes. Could I have found help in some other way, perhaps even a better way? Probably. Should a person, at any age, be forced to undergo reparative therapy? No. And I say no to that last question because it can do no good whatsoever to a person who doesn’t want it. But if a person wants to try and believes it is what is best for them, then it can be a great source of hope and should be allowed.

It doesn’t matter if you agree or disagree with the merits of reparative therapy. That doesn’t really matter. You could still argue for a better way. What does matter is that if this type of therapy actually does in some way help some people, to make them feel better about who they are, then why would you purposefully want to deny them that? What good would that do a person who has a mindset so firmly opposed to living as a homosexual? None.

Based on all of this, I think it wise to allow reparative therapy to continue. I will never agree with any law that would totally ban it. However, I would stipulate that if it does continue, it should only ever be completely voluntary. A law promoting the use of reparative therapy only in this matter, I would agree with.

Ron's Been Busy

Being the Harry Potter fan that I am, I couldn’t help but find this to be both highly offensive, as well as incredibly funny. :)

This is for Eric (200th Post)

One thing I’ve always hoped my blog would be is a source of help, hope, and learning for others. I’ve always thought that if people could see the journey I’ve been on and how I’ve responded (both positively and negatively) to the issues I’ve faced in life, then they might find some sense of comfort, understanding, compassion, or hope in their own journeys, and in dealing with others facing similar situations.

With that in mind, I thought it fitting to share Eric’s video (above) with all of you. Here is a man, just 28 years old, dying from leukemia. For the last few years he has been chronicling his battle with that disease online. He has brought much awareness to what all a person with leukemia goes through, and has even raised money to help others who are going through it as well.

I can’t imagine the sort of emotions he is facing right now. Stress, worry, fear, panic, anger, frustration… what else? Hopelessness? Maybe a growing sense of peace?

When I think of dying, fear is usually one of the first things I think about. I fear death. I fear it because I don’t know what will happen. As a Christian, I believe I’ll go to Heaven and be with God and family and friends. But even in believing these things, death is something that frightens me. There are things I want to be able to experience in this world before I die. There are people I don’t want to feel sad or to be burdened by me no longer living. I wonder if it will hurt, or if I’ll know what is happening when it happens. Or if I’ll even be able to be brave about it. And then I have to admit that I also worry about being wrong. What if there really is no God and no Heaven, and once this life is gone, that’s it? That in the end, all that we are is lost in a single moment.

I like being planned and knowing, or at least being able to anticipate, what is going to happen. Death doesn’t exactly cooperate with me in that. I don’t know when I will die. And I don’t know how it will happen. I don’t even know what exactly will happen when it happens. It is all just an unknown. And even though it is certainly a part of life—to someday die—it is still something which I think most of us would agree we do not look forward to. Most of us would rather live. But when you know you are about to die, that must be incredibly difficult; especially when you are young, knowing there is so much more to life that you could experience, but won’t.

My heart aches for Eric. I know sometimes I get really down because of some of the things I’ve gone through/go through, but none of that is comparable to what Eric has faced. He has battled his illness for years, and now it is finally claiming his life. I wish he could get better. I’m going to be praying for him to get better, somehow. But if he doesn’t, I know the matter is in God’s hands. I believe firmly that everything happens for a reason. We may not always know what that reason is, but I believe God is at work in all things that we do and in all that happens to us. He can use anything bad of this world and transform it into something so good that it is beyond anything we could ever imagine. I just hope He will grant Eric some level of peace, hope, and understanding, and that he will know how his living has made a positive impact on others.

Please all of you pray for Eric and his family. I’d say they could really use our prayers right now.

Not a Disease

I’ve never very much cared for the notion that homosexuality is a disorder, or disease. I know a lot in the ex-gay community like to hold to an idea that, well, maybe not that homosexuality is a disease, but that it is certainly something to be cured from. And I know I have touted such thoughts before, but it is one that I disagree with now.

I don’t think homosexuality is something to be cured of, anymore than having brown eyes instead of blue eyes is something to be cured of. I think if a person is homosexual, then that is just what they are. It is certainly possible that God could change a person’s sexuality, but considering all the people who have earnestly tried for that and found no change in their sexuality, I believe even God must find such a change irrelevant. Being gay or straight doesn’t matter as much as following God, and nowhere in the bible is there a commandment for everyone to be straight.  Being gay is no sin.

We are all different in one way or another. Some of us are more different than others, but I think that is okay. Being gay should not be an issue. If anything should be an issue, it should simply be to resist (or at the very least try to resist) acting on temptations to commit sexual sins, as well as to build upon your faith and to allow Jesus to actually be the Lord and Savior of your life. This is relevant for all people, whether gay or straight, and I’d dare say a whole lot more important to God than who or what you are sexually attracted to.

Adele and A Few Good Deeds

I know I'm a little late to the party, probably, but I have officially become a fan of Adele.  Not only is the woman a very talented musician, but her music videos are really good as well.  I love what this particular video represents, in that it shows how contagious doing good deeds can be (if only we allow them to be).

I might also state my belief that Adele should definitely be chosen to do the theme song for the upcoming James Bond movie, Skyfall, which I'm bursting at the seams to see.

Oh, Temptation...

Well, that's usually how temptation works, but it's usually not so obvious.  :)

Signs of God

Yeah! Why is that?

Sometimes I think we don’t do a good enough job pointing out to others how God is involved in our lives. Maybe we get too busy to witness or we just forget to. Maybe we get too afraid of what others will think or forget the importance of it. But God is involved in our lives, especially if we ask Him to be. And we can find evidence of God all around us, if only we try.

Looking back on my life, I can see so clearly how God was involved. I see how He pushed me to do things I didn’t really want to do, and to not do a few things that I really wanted to do. I saw Him answer many prayers, and in ways and to the point that goes far beyond coincidence. I’ve felt His presence with me whenever I’ve sought Him out—especially in those low moments or those of rejoicing. I’ve seen Him open doors for me through opportunities that should have been closed off. I’ve seen Him heal people from illnesses that doctors said couldn’t be healed from. Every spring when the flowers bloom and the leaves grow back, I see His spark of life throughout all of nature. I’ve seen Him do a lot.

I like the movie Signs, and I’ll mention it here because it illustrates very well the way God tends to work in our lives. I’d recommend anyone reading to watch it just to get the idea. We don’t often get that big booming voice from the heavens, or a burning bush. But, if we look, we can find signs or evidence of God all around us.

Around 2001/2 I was very unhappy with my life. I needed help and couldn’t find it. I prayed and didn’t seem to get any answers. And I felt alone in everything. It was the worst time in my life.

I used to drive back and forth to school in the next county, and I remember having the thought that I should just drive my car off the road where this little valley lies. I wanted to die, because I felt so bad and hopeless. I thought that doing it that way would be the most preferable. I’d just cut off before the guardrail, fly through the air, and whenever the car crashed, that would be the end in one quick moment.

I built up my courage one day to do it. I was coming back from school, the day had been just another nightmare, I was crying my eyes out, and I decided it was time. I was driving about sixty miles per hour, drove onto the side lane, hit the rough, saw the valley ahead of me, and at the last moment, my car just seemed to drift back over onto the main road. It felt like it happened all on its own, whenever it mattered less to me, and whenever it should have physically been too late to stop. I know with all of my being that I did not stop my car from going off that cliff. And afterward, I just had this really strong feeling come over me to keep going, as if I was being told to. The next few months, a lot of things began to get better. I just kept thinking, keep going. And that helped.

I believe this was a sign of God. It was a miracle.

Some signs maybe aren’t that profound though. But I know God has been a part of my life. He’s talked to me in dreams that felt more real than any others. He’s given me thoughts or new understandings that directly conflicted with previous ones. He’s placed friends in my life at just the right times when I needed them the most… He’s just done so much.

And so now, I ask you to think back upon your own lives. What signs have you had from God? How has God worked in your lives? What has He done for you or others?