Politicking: Part One

Hold onto your butts, everybody! I’m about to get political…

As I mentioned in the first post of this year, it is an election year!  YAY!!!

I love election years.  If you didn't know, I am somewhat of a political junkie.  I often look at politics as a sport, and my favorite at that. There are teams and players, ideas and game plans, preseason playoffs, finals, and then winners and losers. Everybody has their favorite team and players and ideas, and cheer on each of these as they advance, or attempt to defend them as they regress.  I am no different.

When I was in fourth grade, we discussed in social studies class the differences between the two major political parties, the Democrats and the Republicans. This happened to coincide with the ’92 election as well, so I was already somewhat familiar with the two major candidates running in that election due to seeing them on TV and hearing older family members talking about them. It was during that time I became a fan of the Republican Party. I liked the grandfatherly image of George Bush, the Republican Party mascot (the elephant), and I liked that Bush seemed much more serious about the issues. I remember thinking being president must be very important and that between George Bush and Bill Clinton, George Bush seemed to want to talk more about the issues and knew more about those issues, than Bill Clinton who just seemed to want to have fun (little did I know then how much fun Bill Clinton would have in that Oval Office in later years). But what grasped me to the Republican Party most was just that sense of seriousness Republicans seemed to have. In short, I tell you all of this in order to describe what first led me to become a Republican. I made that decision then, and it has been a decision I have kept with ever since. It’s a decision I can say in all honesty I am proud of.

Over the years, I have supported every Republican presidential candidate put forward by the Republican Party. I have done so because I approved of most of the conservative policies they put forward. At heart, I am a conservative when it comes to fiscal policy, a moderate when it comes to social issues, a supporter of smaller government, and a supporter of strong defense. I supported Bob Dole, George W. Bush, John McCain, and now Mitt Romney because each have, for the most part, upheld those beliefs.

I was, and still am, a big supporter of George W. Bush. Unlike many, I don’t fault him entirely for the short falls of his presidency, particularly those which happened during his second term. I actually still believe it was the right thing for us to go to war in Afghanistan and in Iraq. I think it was important that we went after al-Qaeda after the events of 9/11. I think instituting the Patriot Act allowed for us to fight terrorism both here at home and abroad, and so I think this was also an important move by Bush, not only allowing his administration to better fight terrorism, but the current Obama administration as well. I think cutting taxes was a good move to help the economy after Clinton left it in recession and 9/11 further damaged it. I think it was important that Bush reformed Medicare to help make prescription drugs more affordable. This cut costs dramatically for people reliant on those drugs at all age levels. I think it was important that Bush did more to help fight in the war against HIV/AIDS not only in this country, but especially in Africa as well, where more people have been effected by that horrible virus than anywhere else on Earth. It was important, too, that Bush led the effort to end partial birth abortions. We should never allow in this country the deliberate death of a baby so near to birth. I also think it was important that Bush tackled education reform, social security reform, and immigration reform—even though he was unsuccessful with those last two.

Having mentioned some of the good points to Bush’s presidency, let me now discuss some of those down falls. People have blamed President Bush for increasing the debt/deficit, 9/11, the response to Hurricane Katrina, failed or manipulated intelligence used to get us into Iraq, and perhaps most importantly, the economic recession began during his last year and to which we are still feeling the effects of today. I personally do not hold President Bush entirely at fault for any of these things. Democrats looked at the exact same intelligence President Bush did, concerning the lead up to both 9/11 and the Iraq War. Democrats voted, right along with Republicans, to create the tax cuts which have presumably caused the greatest increase in our national debt/deficit. Democrats on the city and state levels were lacking in leadership leading up to and after Hurricane Katrina hitting New Orleans. And now we come to the economy.

In 2006, Democrats took control of both houses of Congress. As such, they took control of the economic affairs of our nation. They were in control of oversight and, to a great degree, what sorts of regulations would be in place. Those last two years President Bush was in office, he warned of the looming housing and banking markets collapse, to which the Democratically controlled House and Senate did very little to prevent either one. So, I do hold them just as accountable as Bush for the collapse of both markets, and the overall economic recession in which both created.

When President Obama became president, I believe he made several serious missteps toward getting control over the declining economy. I think, in a very real sense, he and a large number of Democrats, believed the Bail Out would be enough to halt and reverse the economic decline. In some ways it did help, but in other ways it didn’t. One of the biggest failures of the Bail Out is the added deficit/debt it created for our country. The question is, did we get enough back for our buck? I don’t think we did. A lot of banks took the money and kept it, rather than loaning it out as they were supposed to. Some companies like GM and Chrysler didn’t need the money. They could have gone through a structured bankruptcy, which would have allowed them to stay afloat, without costing the federal government huge sums of money. And then certain government investments, through the Bail Out, haven’t paid off. A solar power company called Solyndra, for instance, was given millions, but wasn’t able to stay afloat. The state of Nevada has received over one billion dollars to create green energy jobs, but to this date, only about 300 jobs have actually been created by all of that money. It was also promised that the Bail Out would prevent unemployment from getting to double digits, yet in many of the months since the Bail Out, unemployment has been at 10% or higher. During the last four years, it has never been below 8%. The Bail Out also did not nearly accomplish the degree of infrastructure spending that had been promised in the last election, nor that has been needed in the years since.

Another misstep by our current President was to add several thousands of new regulations, which made it harder and slower for companies to do business during this recession. Not only has our president hampered economic growth in this fashion, but he has also tried to increase tax rates across the board in various ways. Neither of these two things has helped promote economic growth—quite to the contrary, they have prevented it.

And now we can look at Obamacare. In many regards, Obamacare is a great piece of legislation. I wouldn’t dispute this, and many more Republicans wouldn’t either. But in some very real ways, it is not good legislation at all. To begin with, it has added regulations that have already began costing American companies up to billions of dollars in extra spending, prompting several companies to lower their employment numbers so that they can avoid extra costs. It also expands the IRS and creates a healthcare board, both of which add to the federal debt/deficit. Furthermore, it creates no provision to open up insurance between the states—a Republican idea, which would lower the actual costs of healthcare.

Something else we can look at is the rise in government spending. Spending has continuously risen, even though Congress has not passed a budget in more than three years now. The budget President Obama proposed called for three trillion dollars of spending in just a single year (and I thought he promised he’d bring down the deficit/debt). When it was voted upon in the House, it received no yes votes whatsoever. When it was voted upon in the Senate, it also received no yes votes. Not one Democrat in Congress would vote for President Obama’s budget proposal. If that doesn’t tell you how disconnected President Obama is on the subject, and how bad his proposal was, I don’t know what will. Meanwhile, Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, hasn’t put forward any budget proposals the last three years. The Republicans in the House have put forward and passed a budget proposal, but it has been held up in the Senate and President Obama has threatened to veto it if it did get through. This is the epitome of economic irresponsibility, and it rests solely with the Democratic Party. They call Republicans the party of No, but just who is really saying no to a budget? It sure isn’t the Republicans.

It is also not the Republicans saying no to a real “all of the above” approach to tackling our energy problems in this country. President Obama often touts his “all of the above” strategy, yet he often fails to tell us that the EPA, under his direction, has imposed many regulations halting or slowing new coal and natural gas sites from development. President Obama has also halted the Keystone Pipeline, approval of additional nuclear sites, and approval of additional on and offshore oil drilling. In fact, the only energy he seems to be in favor of is renewable. Now, I am in favor of renewable, green energy, just as many Republicans are (in fact I encourage going green as much as possible), but it cannot be the only source of energy we promote. We must truly have an all of the above approach if we are going to have any real chance for energy independence. Had President Obama truly taken such an approach, we may not currently have gas and oil prices as high as they are, and have been.

Looking at the results of Obama’s handling of the economy over the last four years, I think speaks for itself though. Unemployment hasn’t come below 8% in the last four years, those no longer seeking employment (because they’ve exhausted benefits and the like) has risen, banks still aren’t loaning sufficiently, the housing market still isn’t good, more people are on Food Stamps and Welfare than ever before, household incomes are down, the price of gas and other commodities have increased significantly, college tuition has continued to rise, healthcare premiums have continued to rise, foreign investments have decreased, and the debt/deficit have both increased significantly.

President Obama has not helped our economy. I say that, not to mean that he has done no good, but to mean that by what he has done overall, it has not brought back, or even seriously begun to bring back, our economy as it should have been. There is a reason/s why this current economic recovery has been the slowest since the Great Depression, and it is purely due to the economic policies of Barack Obama.

In contrast, I believe Mitt Romney, the Republican candidate for the presidency this year, would actually be able to spark much more economic growth than President Obama’s policies have. His plans call for a 20% tax cut for individuals at every level, a reform of the current tax code to make it simpler, a rollback of most all the regulations President Obama has added to businesses, a repeal of those parts of Obamacare that have hurt the economy, a repeal of Dodd/Frank, an amendment of Sarbanes-Oxley, getting tougher with China and other nations on trade, opening up trade with additional countries, supporting right-to-work laws, eliminating and reducing government waste and spending to help cut the debt/deficit, and raising visa caps to allow more highly skilled workers to come into the country (for more information about Romney’s Plan, check out the following: http://www.mittromney.com/jobs).

To be continued...

Grand Illusions

You would think that as many times as I’ve fallen for friends in the past, who in no way wanted to be in any sort of romantic relationship with me, that I’d have figured out by now some way of not letting that happen.

A few months ago, I wrote about my love for a friend. I eventually disclosed my feelings to him and asked him if he’d be with me. I knew this was something I had to do because it was just eating away at me not knowing if he felt the same about me or not. It turned out he didn’t.

I was both upset and relieved that he didn’t want to be with me. I was upset because I really do love him and wanted to be with him. I was relieved because I knew he was a great friend and I didn’t want anything to ruin that friendship, and also because I still didn’t fully have it in my mind that being with another man is okay, which if we’d have gotten together I’m sure would have caused some problems.

When we first met, it was through email. He seemed to be in a very similar place in life that I was, and so I contacted him just to give him a bit of encouragement and let him know that he wasn’t alone. We ended up writing to each other a great deal more after that. I very quickly liked him, and thought it was nothing but a blessing from God that we’d ever met. I still consider it a blessing. He has been a wonderful friend; one of the best I’ve ever had. But, somewhere along the way, I began to not just like him as a friend. I began to love him as a friend. There is quite a lot to love about him. And I think it is good for people to feel love for others. However, those feelings, again, somewhere along the way, turned to feelings of not just love, but feelings of being in love. Maybe in some moments of loneliness, sorrow, arousal, or frustration, I wondered what it would be like for him to not just be a friend, but to be a boyfriend. Maybe he just possessed enough certain traits or qualities that I’d actually want in a boyfriend that it became hard not to wish he actually could be my boyfriend.

I fell in love.

I don’t think it was wrong of me, or that I necessarily did anything wrong, but I do feel that I put myself into some unnecessary situations and turmoil because of that. In hindsight, I think I should have known better. I should have thought a bit more about how impractical it would be for us to be in a relationship with each other, or how being with him could ruin one of the best friendships I’ve ever known, or how completely incompatible we are in a few regards. I can see now that it really is best that we only remain as friends, and nothing more. That doesn’t mean that I love him any less though. I’ve just learned to direct my love for him in a different direction.

It’s never easy or fun falling for friends who don’t share any mutual romantic interest in you though. So many of us go through this numerous times in our lives, and it doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight, it can happen either way. I think it happens because we see in our friends certain qualities or characteristics that we like and admire, and would want in any potential romantic partner. Then we combine that with enjoying our time with these friends; and the next thing you know, we’ve fallen for them. Certain looks, words, or actions take on untrue meanings, and then our entire perspective of what should only be a good friendship becomes misconstrued. We get this totally grand illusion in our heads that just isn’t so.

This is nothing to feel bad about though (unless you’ve become like Glenn Close’s character in Fatal Attraction). Most all people seek out affection and love at some point in their lives. Sometimes we get signals crossed. Sometimes we develop false realities. Sometimes we love and fall out of love. And sometimes we get it right and find the love of our lives. It is all trial and error.

Trial and error, trial and error…

It’s a tough thing falling in love with a friend who doesn’t feel the same about you. Sometimes this can mess up that friendship. Sometimes it can cause that friendship to grow. Sometimes it embarrasses. And sometimes it’s just funny. In my case, I hope it was something that only embarrassed me a little, can be laughed at now, and can grow our friendship. I hope my friend knows how much I love him. I will always love him. He will always be my brother, and he will always be my friend. And I will always be exceptionally happy if that is the only way I can know him. I just pray that if I do manage to fall in love with anyone else, that it might actually be with the person I’m supposed to be with, who can feel the same about me. I hope that I can also know the difference between infatuation, a crush, and actually being in love, because I think that matters as well. Perhaps if we could learn those differences a bit better, we’d spare ourselves much grief.

Mocking God

This has to be one of the campiest, gayest scenes ever.

In my last post, I showed a clip from the movie Jesus Christ Superstar. I decided to show this one as well in order to illustrate the mocking attitude so many people have toward God and the Christian faith.

In this scene, we see Jesus standing before Herod, and Herod—in a most whimsical way—asking Jesus to perform a miracle for him. Jesus, knowing that Herod wasn’t really interested in the truth so much as he wanted a show, or spectacle, stood silent instead. This leads Herod to begin mocking him, hurling insults and telling him to leave.

This seems to be the attitude a lot of people have today toward God. In their great arrogance, they’d rather shrug off any possible signs of God’s existence and rely on their own limited human understanding of things, holding to a concept which cannot be proven, as some sort of enlightened thought.

It amazes me how so many people look at the Big Bang Theory and are somehow able to conclude that it proves the nonexistence of God. Having a better understanding of how the universe came about and the ways in which it works does not prove in any way whatsoever that God does not exist. At best, it only suggests a possible way in which God did create everything. This theory has never fully been able to explain how everything came into existence though. If there was a big bang, then what caused it? How could everything have just burst into existence from nothing? The simplest explanation is that there is a God, who is all powerful, and that He is the one who caused it all to happen. Scientists use a guiding principle that the simplest explanation is often the right explanation. However, when it comes to God, so many of them somehow seem to always want to predominantly turn a blind eye to this concept and tout a belief that is so complicated they cannot explain it. And yet they think themselves smarter for this?

Mocking God is no laughing matter. It’s arrogance, pure and simple. No one is so smart that he or she can see it all, hear it all, know it all, be it all, or do it all. In our existence as human beings, none of us has ever been so smart than none to follow could surpass our own understandings. And if that is true, then why put so much faith into a single thought, which is no more credible than that which opposes it, and which has greater consequences for you should you prove to be wrong?

I believe in Jesus. I believe he was the Christ, that He was God, and that He still lives today. His truths have never been disproven, and they never will be. And with the free will given to me, I find it much more worthwhile to believe in something, in someone, than to believe in nothing at all.

I could end this post on that note, but I’ll go a bit further, because I think this is important.

As a believer in Christ, I do have doubts sometimes. It would be easy for me to pass off past evidence of God as simple neurosis, lies, aliens coming down to earth, or time travelers interfering with human history. But none of those things explains what gives spark to life. None of those explanations reveals where we all came from, how it all happened, or even what caused it to happen. Having said that, I must admit, in truth, there is no way for me to prove the existence of God beyond any shadow of doubt. My faith does not make me so arrogant that I cannot concede that I might be wrong. I hear Christians admit this sort of thing all the time, but I often never hear such a concession from those who do not believe. And that’s fine. It’s their right to believe and conduct themselves in this matter as they choose. But I find it so discrediting when people who do not believe in God, who cannot prove their beliefs anymore than I can prove mine, say that they know there is no God and are unwilling to listen or consider opposing ideas.

People who do not believe in God, who would mock Him openly, a being that may actually exist despite their own beliefs, do so with a heart of arrogance, a closed mind, and a foolish sense of certainty. When you do that, you look as ridiculous as the people in this clip.

Everything's Alright

This is a good little reminder sometimes.

You know, it's always baffled me as to why so many Christians have been against this movie over the years. Frankly, I just don't get it.

Waiting for Someday...

 

“Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” Psalm 27:14

Have you ever known someone who constantly says one day they’ll do this or that, or have this or that, or be this or that? You know the sort that’s always looking ahead at how they’d like their lives to be, rather than enjoying or accepting what they have and what they are in the here and now? Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m one of those people.

I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately. I’ve been looking at my life and thinking about goals and dreams and looking back to see how far or how little I’ve traveled toward achieving those things. I have to say I haven’t traveled nearly as far as I’d have liked to, and I’m beginning to feel rather impatient about it. I’m tired of waiting.

When I went back to school, I only had two years to finish up. I kept telling myself it was such a short amount of time, and that once it was over I’d be able to find a better job. Four years later I’m out of school, graduated, but still no better job. I will probably not get a better job until the end of this school year, so I can really add another year to that four, which just equals more waiting. I’m getting very impatient about this (and this isn’t the only example I could give).

I know when I get that better job I might have enough money to get my own place, travel a bit, have summers off to write, and do quite a few other things as well. I keep thinking about these things and hoping for the day when I’ll be able to have them. I keep waiting for someday.

I know we don't always get what we want in life, and God’s timing isn’t always our own. I also know I can be happy without achieving all my wants. But it does get rather frustrating at times when it seems like progress in life is so slow that the snails are passing you by. And that’s how I feel anymore. My efforts aren’t enough, things aren’t progressing, and I’m just waiting…

The Harms and Benefits of Reparative Therapy: You Decide

People have differences of opinions. We hear those differences each day in our conversations with family, friends, coworkers, fellow churchgoers, strangers, and see it and hear it on television in the shows that we watch, in the news, and in speeches from our elected politicians. We each get it into our minds that one thing or another is more right than something else. We each look at certain thoughts or opinions of others to be more wrong than our own. We each like to believe that what holds us together in our thoughts and actions are right. This is true most of the time whether we actually are in the right or not. Most people don’t like to be wrong. This can inevitably cause a lot of heated exchanges between people. We get frustrated in our lack of understanding, or angry at the opposing views that just don’t make sense to us. But, do we have to have such heated exchanges in order to present our ideas or beliefs to others? No. If we get into such conversations, we can do so with a sense of civility. If we are willing to keep our hearts and minds open to the concerns of others, to actually listen and attempt to understand their views, and be respectful to them in this process, then such heated exchanges should not take place. And if they do take place, forgiveness can always be offered and asked for.

I like to understand. I don’t like being wrong about something. It is the very reason why I have changed my mind on so many things throughout my lifetime. And there have been a lot of things I have been wrong about (and will probably continue to be wrong about). I can admit that.

Having such a mindset, it doesn’t bother me to engage in debates or arguments with others (I do try to keep them as civil as possible though, because those sorts of exchanges are the best to learn from). When I do that, I’m not doing it in order to prove anyone wrong, or to set myself up as being right. I just want to know if I’m wrong so that I can stop promoting stupidity on my part. The reason I don’t like to be wrong about something, is because I know if I am wrong, that could have some influence on someone else and cause them to be wrong or hurt somehow. I’ve never liked the thought of leading someone astray. And so, at times, I test my thoughts by trying to better understand those who oppose me.

There are a lot of reasons to believe that reparative therapy is wrong. I can fully understand why so many people would say that it’s a very terrible thing and should never be used or promoted. If you read my last post carefully, you will see that it is not something I would ultimately promote as a best course of action for anyone struggling with their sexuality. There are alternatives that can help so much more in the grand scheme of things.

I know a lot of people have been hurt in some very drastic emotional and physical ways because of certain reparative therapy techniques. People have undergone electric shock treatments, hypnosis, been given drugs, and even experienced religious exorcizing to remove the demons that cause homosexuality. Some people have even been beaten or whipped, food deprived, and sleep deprived in attempts to rid them of their “wicked thoughts/ways”. There have been a lot of such abuses. And I would call all of these things abuses, because they really cannot do any good whatsoever for a person experiencing any sort of struggle with their sexuality. These only cause harm to a person’s emotional and physical well-being. That being the case, I would wholeheartedly agree that any of these forms of reparative therapy should be banned and never promoted in any fashion whatsoever. I would find it hard to believe anyone wishing to free themselves of homosexuality would ever consider or give much thought to these techniques anyway. Even if they did, they should be discouraged.

But, these are not the only forms of reparative therapy.

Some techniques simply involve helping homosexual men who feel different or cut off from straight men to realize that they are not that different. This can include teaching a sport to homosexual men who may never have engaged in sports before because they felt pushed away or not good enough to participate in any of them. And I can tell you, when a homosexual adult man or teen learns to play and realizes they can play just as good as any straight guy, maybe even better than some of those straight guys who called them weak or pussies, that can make all the difference in the world to them. It builds self-confidence, a sense of belonging, and that sense of acceptance for themselves as a valid person/man. And it can teach that man is not necessarily their “other”.

Another technique may be to help a very effeminate man to realize that his effeminacy does not make him less of a man. A lot of straight guys are effeminate. And so, to teach this, gender roles and how society looks at such roles (including the changing mindsets of such things over time) fairly or unfairly may be discussed. That effeminate gay teen may realize he is no less a man and not gay simply because he is effeminate. He may become more comfortable just being himself.

Some techniques simply involve helping a person to trust God, and to fully accept His will over their own. Sometimes it can be incredibly difficult to abstain from something you physically and/or emotionally want. So, learning to pray for strength, for a way out of certain situations, and learning to ask for forgiveness if you do fall, can help a person a whole lot.

And then there are personal pains. Everyone has them, but not everyone handles their pain in the same way. I personally believe I became gay not just by genetics, but also because of certain environmental influences. Reparative therapy can be focused on dealing with those environmental influences. If you believe you became gay, in part, because you were, in a sense, rejected by those of your own gender, or because you reacted wrongfully in certain ways to being physically or emotionally abused, or because you rejected your own gender or the roles defined to your gender for certain reasons, then there is probably going to be a great deal of pain associated with that. Certain reparative therapies simply work at helping a person to deal with that pain in better ways than maybe he or she did in the past.

Teaching in itself is a form of therapy. Teaching people to love themselves as God loves them. Teaching people better ways to resist sinning. Teaching people better, more healthier ways of relating to others. Teaching people to forgive. Teaching people that their past doesn’t have to define them. All of these things can be very good for a struggling person.

People have differences of opinions. And that is okay. Some people believe all reparative therapies should be banned. I do not. I think if allowing a person the opportunity to do something that they believe will help them to grow in their faith in God and be a better person, then that should be allowed (so long as they aren’t hurting others). Some people who have undergone reparative therapy has hated it and wished that they’d have never participated with it. Other people have undergone it and believed it was the best thing they ever could have done. Who is right and who is wrong? Can they both be right?

I said in my last post that I am stubborn at times. I know this is true about me. And it was very true concerning one issue a few years back. I believed it was a sin to be gay. I didn’t trust anyone who said otherwise. I didn’t change my beliefs until I sought out and underwent reparative therapy. I don’t say that because the therapy didn’t help me. I say that because a lot of the therapy did help me. It allowed me to see that I’m not as different as I thought I was. It allowed me to feel more comfortable in my own skin. It allowed me to deal with a lot of pain I’d kept bottled up for many years. It allowed me to grow in my Christian faith. And it allowed me to eventually come to a conclusion that God isn’t as concerned about my sexuality as He is having a relationship with me. It helped me to better understand.

I thank God for all those people who helped me. First and foremost, I thank my Exodus counselor, Paul. He was a friend, first and foremost. He was always willing just to listen and to let me make up my own mind. And when he did push me, he pushed me to worry more about healing from past pains, relating better to others, and building my faith than on trying to change my sexuality. He was honest enough up front to tell me up front that even though it was possible for my sexuality to change, there was no guarantee that it would.

This was my experience with reparative therapy. And this is why I think it would be very bad not to allow people an opportunity to change. We allow people to try to change nearly whatever else they dislike about themselves, from hair and eye color, to the shape of their teeth and facial features, to weight, and so forth. And on some of those things, people realize, over time, that what they had to begin with really was best. The brunette trying to be a blond may decide after a few years that being a brunette really is what’s best for them. But how would that person know if they’d never tried being something else? If they’d never tried, they may have at the very least always had it in the back of their mind what could have been. I think it is the same for people who wish to change their sexuality. And what is worse, to allow people an opportunity to change something they dislike about themselves, something that may be very emotionally devastating to them for one reason or another, or to try to force them to accept something about themselves that they may just never be able to fully accept? I think it is better to let them make up their own minds. Let them try if that’s what they think is best for them. If it turns out to be something they like, then that should be looked at as great for them. If it turns out to be something they don’t like, then they can then work to accept how they are and realize their lives can still be good.

Looking back, I know I wouldn’t have been able to accept my homosexuality had I not first sought out help to no longer be homosexual. I really don’t think anyone could have helped me to accept that fact in any other way. I had to go through what I did to reach that conclusion on my own. And I know it is the same for many others. I also know that a lot of others have undergone reparative therapies and have liked whatever changes they have experienced (even if it means they only live as a heterosexual and do not actually become one). These are the reasons why I believe reparative therapies should continue to be allowed. Can they produce harm? Yes. I think in the wrong hands, just about anything can produce harm though. But can they produce something good? Yes.

People have differences of opinions. If a person wants to attempt to undergo reparative therapy, then I think they should be allowed to. This doesn’t mean that we should promote or encourage those techniques that have been used in the past and that have been proven very dangerous though. Nor does it mean we shouldn’t continue to try to show them there is a better way, and that it really is okay if they are attracted to members of the same sex. But if a person thinks changing his or her sexuality will improve their life somehow, then I think it really should be their decision to make. In time, their decision to attempt sexual orientation change will either be proven right, or they will prove themselves wrong. Either way, they should learn what is best for them.

Reparative Therapy

In my last post, I brought up the issue of anti-reparative therapy laws. After much thought, I decided it might be helpful to discuss my thoughts on the matter of reparative therapy a bit more thoroughly.

First off, what is reparative therapy? Reparative therapy (also known as conversion therapy) is treatment designed to help a person change their sexual orientation from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual. Over the years, many Christian organizations, including Exodus International, have promoted reparative therapies in order to help a person struggling with their non-heterosexual desires and attractions to live a more Godly life. The idea is that God did not plan for anyone to be gay. That being the case, these therapies are designed to help you become as God intended: heterosexual.

As I mentioned in my last post, and as many of you know from reading this blog over the years, I have in the past undergone such therapy to help me change my sexual orientation from gay to straight. This mostly consisted of counseling, reading a bunch of literature on the subject, and trying out certain practices to change my mannerisms and behaviors and the way I relate to others, both male and female. Even though I learned a lot about myself in that process and did find some small level of decrease in my attractions to other men, I was never able to fully lose those attractions or become more attracted to women. My sexual orientation did not change.

Now, could it have changed? Yes. I think with God, anything is possible. God could have helped change my sexual orientation. But He didn’t. And the fact that He didn’t was proof enough for me that God is not overly concerned with who I’d like to share a bed with, so much as what sort of relationship I have with Him. I learned over time that being gay is not a sin, and is nothing that I should ever feel bad about.

Now that I’ve said “being gay is not a sin”, I should clarify what I consider “being gay” to mean, because I know even in this regard people have different definitions. To me, if someone says they are gay that ONLY means that they find people of the same sex sexually attractive. It does not mean that they sleep with (or have sex with) people of the same sex, nor does it mean they are atheist, drag queens, immoral, hedonistic, have rejected their sexual identity, or anything else. It ONLY means that they find people of the same sex sexually attractive. All of those other things are issues unto themselves. That being the case, I say again that being gay is not a sin. God does not have a problem with one man finding another man sexually attractive, or one woman finding another woman sexually attractive. God does not fault us for any temptations we may have. If we are faulted for anything, it is our actions. And even that, for two men (or two women) to love each other and be committed to each other in a sexual relationship, I’m not so sure anymore is something that God really has a problem with (we can discuss this at a later time).

I gave up trying to change my sexuality a long while back, and I did that because I just did not feel that it was working, and because I did not think it really mattered to God if I was gay or straight. But did this fight ever matter to me? Yes. It mattered more than anything. Why, you might ask? It mattered because deep down I knew that being gay meant that I was different. I knew the majority of people are not gay, and I thought wrongly that if God had wanted people to be gay, then many more people would be. I also thought, based on my own interpretations of the bible and those that I heard regularly at church, that being gay (not just when it came to actions, but to thoughts and temptations as well) was morally wrong. I heard people talk about gays going to hell and God hating gays, and I took that very personally. So much so that I thought God must really hate me, that there was no hope for me, that I was some sort of freak, and that if anyone ever knew the truth about me, they’d hate me and reject me as well.

Was I right, and were the people who told me such things or implied such things right? No. And should I have had to seek out treatment, believing I’d be more Godly if I were straight? No, I shouldn’t have. However, the damage was done. And this damage, as I said, was not solely brought on by others. A lot of it I brought upon myself. I put a lot of those chains around my neck and weighted myself down. I was prideful and embarrassed to admit I was gay. I was scared of how others would react. I thought if my parents knew they’d get all angry or depressed at the thought of me never marrying and having kids. In a nutshell, I worried too much about what others think, or would think. And I let that influence me negatively. It didn’t help, either, that I knew no one who was gay or who I thought would understand that I could talk to about it. And I know, in some instances, this caused me to believe in some of the stereotypes that you see on TV and in the movies. I thought I didn’t have much choice but to become like what I saw in media, and I didn’t want that. I had no role model or person to guide me at all. And so I became lost.

With everything that happened to me and that I went through, and knowing that it still can and does happen to others, I believe reparative therapies should not be completely banned. I believe they should be voluntary, but that they should continue to help people faced with similar problems. I believe this because when I first sought out help from Exodus, it was not so that I could learn to be a better human being or anything like that. I simply wanted someone or something to help me to no longer be gay. I received help in this area, but I was also taught by my counselor from Exodus that being straight should not be my goal. He told me this up front. He also helped me realize it was no sin to be attracted to other men, that gay sin was no worse than any other sin, and that if God could love all of those other sinners, surely He could continue to love me too. I thank Paul for teaching me these things, because they proved to mean more to me and be more helpful to me than any of that other stuff. But I know, looking back, I may not have believed Paul about these things had he not also offered to help me change my sexual orientation. At the time, that was what meant the most.

This last summer, Exodus International made a fairly big change. Alan Chambers, the president of Exodus International, announced that the organization would no longer support or promote reparative therapy. Their goal has changed from promoting a change in sexuality, to simply promoting a Godly lifestyle and a relationship with God in faith, whether gay or straight. This may sound too much like what they promoted before, but really it isn’t. There is that fine line distinction that makes the whole thing different. No longer will they advocate sexual orientation change as a part of living a life pleasing to God. What this means is that they now teach it is okay if you find people of the same sex sexually attractive. They have finally recognized that being gay is not a sin (for more about Exodus’ recent change, read this).

I think this new direction for Exodus is an important one. It’s important because it is more biblically based. Nowhere in any of the bible is it stated that being gay is a sin. Nowhere is it stated that if you are gay, you should become straight. And rather than focusing mostly on trying to help people become straight, they are going to do more to help people, whether gay or straight, find a relationship with God. This last thing I think is most important, because in this change, Exodus can now position itself as a true olive branch between the Church and those who have turned away from it or been hurt by it because of their sexuality. Exodus can now promote the truth that whether you are gay or straight, it doesn’t matter, anyone can begin a relationship with God, become saved in the faith and grace of His son, Jesus Christ, and can ultimately have forgiveness of their sins. They can also promote a better way for churches and ministers to reach out to those affected by homosexuality. I personally believe this will have a far better impact on the Church and in reaching out to bring homosexuals to Christ, than anything they were doing before.

But, if reparative therapy is no longer going to be offered or supported by them, how will those seeking that sort of help find it? As I’ve said, I do not believe reparative therapy should be banned or completely done away with. However, I do not believe reparative therapy is the best way to go for anyone struggling with their sexuality.

The best we can do is to reach out to our fellow LGBT neighbors, friends, family, and strangers with love and kindness. Truth is always best revealed when it is presented in love. If we in the church and as a society taught that it was okay to be gay, and that you could still be gay and be a Christian, and treat these people as we would want to be treated ourselves, then we might honestly begin to see a new dawn when Christians and homosexuals no longer view each other as enemies (at least to the degree that so many do today), but rather as friends—even if they do disagree from time to time. Instead of teaching people that they’re going to hell for being different, or pushing them out of the church, or fighting against them in any number of the ways that they have been fought, it would be far more beneficial for everyone involved using the sort of outreach Jesus himself modeled for us. Instead of hate, we love. Instead of pushing away, we welcome. Instead of lying, we tell the truth.

Now, I’m not saying that it’s okay to be gay and go around sleeping with everyone. Being sexually active outside of marriage, however it happens, is still sinful. It’s okay to be gay, but you can be gay and still sin sexually, just as any heterosexual can sin sexually. Both can be forgiven though. And whether a person is sinning sexually or in some other way, that shouldn’t keep us from responding to them as Christ would have.

So, where does all of this leave reparative therapy? My hope is that at some point, it can completely be a thing of the past, with no need for existence. I would hope that the church would open its arms and become a much more welcoming, less judgmental place. I would hope that parents would realize that even if their children grow up to be gay, that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them and it’s the end of the world. They’re still their child and they’re still worthy of their love and respect, and their lives can still be worthwhile and pleasing to God. I would hope that society in general would become less judgmental, and that people would particularly come to realize how negative some of their comments and actions can be sometimes. And, above all, I would hope that whenever a person is bothered, for whatever reason, by being gay, that they could learn to accept themselves and find help readily available to them whenever they should need it. I’d recommend a kind voice, an offer of friendship and support, and a good old fashioned hug to begin with.

But if these things never happen for a person, and if their entire hope rests upon the idea of becoming straight to improve their condition in life, then I would also hope that somebody would be willing to offer them the type of help that they want. Whether you think they are right or wrong for wanting that sort of help, it may not matter if offering it is the only way you can even begin to help them to see that there is a better way. Some people, such as I was, may just be too stubborn to believe any alternatives upfront. And so you have to work with them from where they’re at. From there, you can show them a better way.